All Keys Gas Service Explodes as Paddleboat Pursuit Champs

All Keys Gas Service Explodes as Paddleboat Pursuit Champs

“Who ya gonna call? Gas Busters!”

The chant echoed from around the seven-member crew and their duct-taped wooden paddleboat to the Saturday launch site off the dock at Parrotdise Waterfront Bar & Grille, home of Big Pecker Wines. The theme music from the 80’s box office smash “Ghost Busters” surrounded the menacing entourage.

“This is superior engineering at its finest,” stated crew member Rodger Davis.

With Captain Rick Jeselskis at the helm, the group was confident.

“We did a trial and we knew it’d float,” confessed Mike “The Mechanic” Hopkins. “After 50 hours of labor and a lot of beer, we knew it’d hold water!”

Donning the purest white painters coveralls, with the company’s logo meticulously printed with Sharpies on both the front and back, Mike the Mechanic fully disclosed his engineering tactics.

“We tried to go with a ferry-style. We cut grooves to add better stability.”

“It took the whole 200 yards of duct tape,” Davis proudly added.

All Keys Gas Service is a local, family-owned-and-operated company.

“We provide the propane for commercial, residential, and RV’s,” declared the captain’s wife, Jenn Jeselskis, “serving your propane needs from Key Largo to Key West.”

Her beau attributed All Keys Gas Service’s wet win to Koozie-fisted crew members, and remarked whole-heartedly, “We’ll be back to defend our title next year – bigger and better.”

The competition is already vowing not to be left in “the wake” in 2010.

“If I’m still alive you better look out,” promised Lisa Meyer, owner of Lost Cargo Trading Post on Big Pine Key. She not only lost the pursuit, but a gargantuan jug of salsa.

“What can I say? We wagered. I would have gotten a tank of propane to make my boiled peanuts, but instead, they get my mouth-watering salsa!”

Jennifer Klinger of Big Pine Shipping vows to be back next year, too.

“My handle broke, and I was in the lead. I broke my prop shaft right off.

“We’ll improve our design and come up with a stronger prop shaft,” says her teammate, Robin Eubanks, a couple tied together by tortoise tattoos they sport on their right deltoids.

“Everyone on the crew has one,” Eubanks said with straightforwardness (though not a straight face). “There are two of us.”

“We took this so seriously, but it was so much fun. It really was.” And with that, the victorious captain’s wife, Jenn, tipped back a cold one beachside at Parrotdise.

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