I recently said to Hannia at the Half Shell Raw Bar, “I should start bottling up the gory details of my love life and selling those. It’s all anyone wants to hear about!”
This will never happen.
Just as my mother will never be out of my hair.
But on this Valentine’s Day, the first of a new decade, and only this one time, I am going to share with you the unromancing which took place with my Valentine’s Day date from last year. In fact, we’ll just call him that, “V. Day ’09.”
First, you should note, he was also my junior year prom date.
After abandoning my CBS news desk to join the family business in the Florida Keys, I spent a brief period reacquainting myself with my childhood home of Woodville, Ohio. The population stands at 872 inside the city limits.
One evening I was enjoying a glass of wine in my father’s backyard when I looked up and there he was…my 5th grade boyfriend, Prom Date ’94 and he was still living in Woodville.
I hadn’t thought about him since 1994.
“Hey. I heard you were home,” he said, flashing his blue eyes while thrusting a hand to my dad.
A couple days later, he called the house. This is a brief transcript of the conversation.
VDay ’09: You want to go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day?
JK: Sure! I’d love to.
VDay ’09: Well, it’s going to have to be some place cheap. I spent all my money skiing.
JK: You can pay me back.
VDay ’09: You wanna get some Mexican?
Let’s take a moment and pause.
Does anyone see the romance in this? Is this the way you proposition the woman you want to marry? With salsa and chips? Was this going to be the rest of my life? Cheap Mexican food on Valentine’s Day?
VDay ’09: Ok. Well, where do you want to go?
JK: Why don’t you call “the Italian.”
VDay ’09: Huh?
JK: The Italian. Mancy’s Italian.
(One of Toledo’s finer, Zagat-rated restaurants.)
VDay ’09: I’ve never been there, but I’ll call them. What’s the number?
He hangs up and calls me back.
VDay ’09: They’re all booked.
I admit I was testing him. He has lived in the area for 32 years, and even though Faye’s Whippy Dip does not take reservations, he should be able to reserve a table somewhere. We weren’t vacationing in Vancouver! I wasn’t about to do the legwork for him.
VDay ’09: I don’t know.
JK: Try Manhattan’s.
VDay ’09: Manhattan’s? I’ve never eaten there.
JK: You’ll like it. Not a chain. Good martinis, food, wine.
We had a wonderful meal. We’d known each other since we were 12, and there wasn’t any need for small talk so we could just be ourselves. But, he’d blown it.
While there were other factors leading to the demise of our courtship, a woman would be a fool to marry a guy who can’t make a dinner reservation on a Hallmark holiday reserved for romance.
This week, as we roll out our Top 10 Ways to Blow Valentine’s Day, I stole episodes from other notable holidays. Plus, this issue is our Black Book, featuring some of the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes! Guys should note: Most of the women we interviewed are by nature, laid-back. But that doesn’t mean she wants to pick up the check or tell you where to take her to dinner. (I’m talking this weekend. Guys, you are fools if you marry a woman who never pays!)
Enough about me! Put on something red or pink and go get some lovin’!