Regular Keys Disease readers were due a column featuring The Answer Dude’s particular blend of wit, sarcasm, and cynicism. Unfortunately, The Answer Dude’s column from last week was preempted by the death of a celebrity who possessed a fashion sense that many tried to emulate, including a younger version of our editor and publisher. I bet that red leather jacket looked real good. Without further ado, again, please welcome The Answer Dude!
AD: Great to be back… again.
KD: Were you affected by the death of Michael Jackson, besides having last week’s column preempted?
AD: Not really. But I do have a story to share about a local entertainer!
KD: Oh, God…
AD: He was just starting his first set on the day The Gloved One passed away, totally unaware that plastered on the big screen TV next to the stage was the “Breaking News” that Jackson had shuffled off his mortal coil. A semi-plastered bar patron asked this musician if he could do something in honor of Michael Jackson. The clueless entertainer responded, on microphone, that… “We’ll be doing our Michael Jackson tribute set a little later on, followed by a celebrity edition of ‘Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator.’” That entertainer sure got some funny looks from the crowd. I would think he was rather embarrassed…
KD: Moving right along, I’m sure there’s other stuff we can talk about.
AD: Okay, let’s start with musical misspellings.
KD: What do you mean?
AD: There are scads of professional writers, as well as the musicians who play them, who can spell neither accordion nor saxophone correctly.
KD: How do they spell them?
AD: With the incorrect use of the first vowel, a. Nobody can play a saxaphone, and I’m always amused at the contractor trucks rolling by advertising their installation services for “accordian” shutters.
KD: Any other linguistic pet peeves you’d like to share with us today?
AD: Sure. No matter how much one wants it to be so, “viola” is not the French equivalent of “eureka” — it’s actually a four-stringed instrument akin to the violin. What we really want to write is “voila!”
KD: Even though you covered it in last week’s unprinted column, could you go over the misuses of “loose” and “lose?”
AD: It’s really simple — loose is the opposite of tight, and lose is when you don’t win or can’t find something. You’d be surprised at how many people make the mistake of writing sentences like this: “I hated to loose my temper.” That’s one of the most common mistakes in the written English language; right up there with actually believing there’s such a word as “alot.” I had never seen the opposite usage happen, at least not until last week. I was reading an online article in which the writer explained the problem he was having with a “lose connection.” Maybe I really have seen it all, now.
KD: Have you seen the bus stop advertisement at the west end of Marathon for www.whocanisue.com?
AD: Who-can-I-sue? Dot com?!? For real???
KD: Yep. It’s a one-stop-shop for wannabe plaintiffs and defendants. Makes you proud of what our justice system has evolved into. Anyway, any final thoughts?
AD: There’s a great birthday card out there that helps the common person solve a common language problem that you just exemplified. On the cover are two girls talking. One says, “Where’s your birthday party at?” The other says, “Never end a sentence with a preposition.” Open the card, and it reads, “Where’s your birthday party at, b—-h?”