Perfect. Now women everywhere will know why men are standing them up for a drink, dinner, possibly sex, and instead opt to text message photos of fish….?

This new psychological-thriller-toss-in-your-beach-bag-and-hide-under-a-pair-of-$10-sunglasses-hardback draws readers in with the title and a male brain fittingly depicted with duct tape. Perhaps the right read for all of the women too shameful to follow their friends’ suggestion to buy, digest, study, and head the advice of He’s Just Not That Into You.

How can he not be into me? I’m fabulous.

Instead, females around the globe can save … their pride and opt for a scientific explanation penned by Louann Brizendine, M.D. from conception to the grave.

The Male Brain. A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think.

“I bet the book is short!”

An older, married female family member shouted out her initial sentiments when discussion of the latest edition to the Monroe County Library collection entered our conversation.

Okay. So…. the explanation into the often-misunderstood species does only require 128 pages.

But, get this girls: in a study of an African hunter-gatherer tribe called the Hadza, women are drawn to providers, especially those with a deeper voice. Men with the deepest voices are rated as the best hunters and best protectors. So, the presentation of a fish in 2010 to a woman from a male friend is a ploy to procreate! Even in this day and age, the caveman behavior thrives. Men are wired to hunt and provide women with food, and females (no matter how wildly successful and capable they are) are designed to be attracted to men who bring food to the table and place a roof over their heads. This explains why 95% of women, paying the rent or mortgage, end up kicking their partner out of the home.

If they aren’t providing, then seriously, sex aside, what’s their use? This primitive natural selection process is compounded in 2010 if the woman is paying for the groceries or dinner.

For those who believe you have to get to know someone before you can determine whether they’re a suitable match are out in left field… in the middle of a corn field… in nowhere Nebraska, according to The Male Brain. Speed dating works like a charm for guys around the globe. Men can tell and admit they know whether they’re sexually attracted to a woman before she has the chance to sit down or utter a single word.

Researchers have found that the attraction to an hourglass figure – large breasts, small waist, and full hips – is ingrained in men across all cultures. This shape tells his brain she’s young, healthy, and probably not pregnant with another man’s child.

The male brain only takes one-fifth of a second to classify a woman as sexually hot – or not. Men alive today have been biologically selected over millions of years to focus on fertile females. What they don’t know is that they’ve evolved to zoom in on certain features that indicate reproductive health.

When they fall for a femme, men fall apart like a Stock Island addict who’s just figured out what time-released painkiller smells like.

Ryan’s brain on sex was producing chemicals that create a blissful euphoria, similar to being high on cocaine. He couldn’t figure out why, when he was away from Nicole for more than four or five hours, he started getting a primitive biological craving. If we could travel along Ryan’s brain circuits on a miniature train as he was falling in love, we’d begin in an area deep at the center of his brain called the VTA, the ventral tegmental area. We’d see the cells in this area rapidly manufacturing dopamine – the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitter for motivation and reward. As the train was being filled with a dopamine at this VTA station, Ryan was starting to feel a pleasant buzz.

Oh, yeah….

But the pages don’t just define typical male behavior when mating. New moms can find solace in the suggested reasoning behind the rambunctious behavior in the sandbox at age 18 months, and why by age 11, boys are repulsed by their mothers and other female relatives, and their constant battle to earn a place at the top of the pecking order in groups of guys. A Guy Face offers insightful information for teenagers to act cool and always hide their fears. Brizendine offers explanation for The Male Ego and why men only recall the facts from a marital fight when their women counterparts can vividly recount sadness, anger, and fear all over again… and again… because men and women have two independent memory systems.

The Mature Male Brain let’s us ladies know why the move to make a new, young family after his first set of children are grown and gone, is actually in a man’s best interest.

Aside from inheriting good genes, a man’s best chance for longevity is to sleep deeply, stay strong, avoid tobacco, and get married and stay married.

Which is why men seemingly past their prime facing a retirement are instead instinctively suggesting to themselves as one male subject in the book, “Maybe having another baby or two wouldn’t be so bad afterall…”

If a balance is ever achieved between the sexes, Brizendine hopes her book will foster the understanding and add more intimacy between men and women. The Male Brain is the eagerly awaited follow-up to The Female Brain, which we’re hoping explains why women need and engross themselves in books, magazines, movies, hour-long- conversations-with-anyone-who-will-listen, chocolate, wine, and whining to try and grasp a little of what men are thinking.

When our men just go gather some fish to present.

Josie Koler is the Key West Bureau Chief for the Weekly Newspapers and new holder of a Monroe County Library Card. What did you find on the shelf?


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