The Florida Keys have been closed to visitors for over two weeks as officials attempt to “flatten the curve” and protect valuable resources like toilet paper from would-be shoppers descending from Miami. Earlier this week the Monroe County Sheriff’s Department confiscated several hundred counterfeit re-entry stickers as people from around the world continue to attempt their infiltration of the Florida Keys. 

The Keys are desirable and people are using criminal and creative means to gain access, but we know better and can spot them a mile away. 

Top Ten ways to spot a tourist posing as a local.

10. They’re wearing a Sloppy Joe’s T-shirt tucked into skinny jeans. 

9. They refer to the 7 Mile Bridge as the 11 Kilometer Bridge in a thick European accent.

8. They’re taking selfies with the Moolah the Manatee statue at First State Bank. 

7. Jimmy Buffett is on the radio. 

6. The boat they are trailering is packed with kayaks, grills, fishing poles, empty coolers and behind the wheel is a guy in a cowboy hat. 

5. They have tan lines on their face in the shape of a surgical mask. 

4. Pollo Tropical cups in the beverage holders. 

3. When asked to prove residency they produce a coconut and a skinned iguana. 

2. They can be overhead asking, “How much farther to the Keys” at any gas station between Key Largo and Big Coppitt. 

  1. Their re-entry sticker is made of Play Dough. 

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