We’ve all heard — and seen — how anything goes in Key West during Fantasy Fest. And while some city officials are hellbent on changing the rules to eliminate painted boobs, it hasn’t happened yet. Each year brings out some of the best costumes we’ve ever seen — and some of the worst. (Hey guys: A single tube sock is not a costume.)
So as the creative folks put the finishing touches on their hot-glue creations, we figured we’d offer a few examples of what NOT to wear during Key West’s Fantasy Fest. We bring you our…
Top 10 Fantasy Fest Fashion ‘No-Nos’
10. Your custom-made Jeffrey Dahmer onesie.
9. The “Booty Inspector” T-shirt that you found extremely funny 20 years ago, back when phrases like “booty inspector” were tolerated. As it turns out, neither the shirt nor the phrase was ever really funny, except to your cousin Barry, who still thinks his “I groomed for this” T-shirt is the ultimate icebreaker.
8. Jorts (jean shorts) that reveal your hemorrhoid issue. (This is now prohibited … see # 5).
7. Anything that alludes to you being Irish. Because you’re probably not.
6. Any shirt that Robert Keith Packer has worn. Ever. (Google it.)
5. Garments revealing the “scrotum, buttocks, or boobies.” All real terms uttered during recent Key West city commission discussions about nudity at Fantasy Fest.
4. Bleached eyebrows. This needs to stop.
3. Kanye West’s “White Lives Matter” shirt.
2. Anything to do with Westboro Baptist Church.
- Your vintage #34 Herschel Walker jersey.
