The passage into the New Year officially marks the end of “Holiday Season” and the beginning of “NFL Playoff Season.” At least football fans have had the solace of televised games to help them forget the ongoing “Pandemic Season.” With 2020 (finally!) becoming hindsight, here are the Keys Disease Central predictions for 2021!
If the Miami Dolphins win their last regular season game, and then win every playoff game, they have a great shot at winning the Super Bowl. (If they don’t, then somebody else will. And I am 100% confident in this prediction.) Regardless, that Ryan Fitzpatrick fourth quarter in Las Vegas is one of the greatest come-from-behind wins in NFL history — and the FitzMagic no-look pass as his head was being wrenched off by a Raider defender could easily be the play of the year.
Facebook-certified amateur epidemiologists will continue to “debate” the effectiveness of the COVID-19 vaccines, emboldened by controversial statements from pundits and politicians who lined up to be among the first to get the vaccine. Yes, I know — the hypocrisy is overwhelming.
In a related story, early recipients will observe that the microchips embedded in the vaccine really help with the reception of the new 5G wireless data protocol. (Sadly, people will actually believe this.)
America’s Funniest Videos will air a new segment featuring the amusing antics of those who insist that their constitutional rights are being violated by mask-wearing ordinances and policies. In a related development, the name Karen will significantly decline in popularity.
Internet conspiracy theorists will continue to post stuff that is just so unbelievable, yet people will blindly repost as if the “information” came directly from Heaven, written on stone tablets.
Someone will start a grand Internet hoax that Paul McCartney is dead.
Taylor Swift will continue releasing new albums every month. Following “Folklore” and “Evermore,” new titles will include “Wherefore,” “Heretofore,” “Nevermore,” “Furthermore,” “Forevermore,” “Underscore,” “Sycamore,” “Seashore,” “Eyesore” and “Hardcore” — until exhausted fans simply say, “No more.”
The New York Post will turn on President Trump. (Oops! That already happened.)
Speaking of the Post, it recently published an article featuring (alleged) 2021 predictions from the legendary soothsayer, Nostradamus. One of them seemed to foretell a zombie apocalypse: “Few young people: half-dead to give a start.” But things get better: “After great trouble for humanity, a greater one is prepared. The Great Mover renews the ages: Rain, blood, milk, famine, steel, and plague; Is the heavens fire seen, a long spark running.” Yep — a post-COVID asteroid. But wait: there’s more! “Fathers and mothers dead of infinite sorrows / Women in mourning, the pestilent she-monster: The Great One to be no more, all the world to end.” If this is the case, perhaps the Mayans just got a couple of digits confused back in 2012. Back to the more mundane…
The Washington Football Team will finally choose a new team name.
The team formerly known as the Cleveland Indians will choose a new name.
The Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves, the Chicago Blackhawks, the Florida State Seminoles, and the Utah Utes could not be reached for comment.
In a related development, Florida reptile lovers and haters will join forces to petition the state legislature to have the team names of the Florida Gators and Florida A&M Rattlers changed to less offensive animal mascots. Iguanas, anyone?
The NBA’s New Orleans Pelicans should change their name … but won’t.
In potential good news, all joking aside, the hopefully widespread availability of vaccines to combat COVID-19 will allow us all to return to a more normal life. Whatever does happen, I hope we’ll all be around to witness as things get better on the pandemic front. Normal life — the things we all took for granted — would be so nice right about now … or just a bit later in 2021. Please stay safe until we can make that happen, and have a blessed and prosperous New Year!
Join me for New Year’s Eve tonight at the Key Colony Inn, Friday day at the Islander Resort in Islamorada, Friday night at my Social Distancing Concert on Facebook Live, and Saturday night at the Key Colony Inn.
– Catch John Wednesdays at Herbie’s, Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing, Fridays on Facebook Live for the Social Distancing Concerts, and Saturday night at the Key Colony Inn. Music available wherever you get your streaming. www.facebook.com/john.bartus
