This week, Keys residents were shocked by an FBI arrest of a Marathon live-aboard couple wanted on federal warrants for their alleged roles in the January 6, 2021 U.S. Capitol riots. Always here to help, the Weekly staff figured if there are any other potential insurrection artists hiding in our islands, and the Feds are already here, we might as well save them an extra trip. With that in mind, we present our…
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBORS MAY HAVE STORMED THE CAPITOL
10. Furry pants on the clothesline.
9. Every post on their social media feed results in “content isn’t available right now,” “content cannot be verified,” or “content is only shared with a private group.”
8. They call their daughter “Ruby” and their dog “Ridge.”
7. Q is their favorite letter of the alphabet.
6. They share an overly enthusiastic disdain for the public library and post office.
5. Their roof has an unusually large amount of satellite dishes in various sizes.
4. They tell you all about their “great trip” to Area 51 in September 2019.
3. They don’t believe in the moon landing, Sept. 11 attacks or Oklahoma City bombing, but loved hearing Congress say that aliens are among us.
2. They think “Red Dawn” is Patrick Swayze’s masterpiece.
1. They have a stockpile of canned goods, ammunition and 50-gallon fuel drums.
