Top Ten Florida Keys Seafood Festival Faux Pas

This weekend’s seafood fest at Bayview Park separates the locals from the tourists. There will be plenty of both species, but both tourist and local are often...

Top 10 Ways to Lose Weight in the Keys (sort of).

Have you noticed your friends have quit drinking? Is your parking lot at the gym always full? Is your husky neighbor terrifying the ’hood in his new...

Top 10 Signs the Federal Government is Shut Down in the Keys

All fishing restrictions lifted, including all groupers — even square! Key West Airport Security now allows shoes, electronics, 1.75 liters of Tito’s Vodka, subdued livestock and...

TOP 10 Songs that are more offensive than ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’

The PC police recently set their sights on a classic holiday tune, with many calling for a radio ban on “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” Are the lyrics...

Top 10 Things Meat Loaf Would NOT Do For Love

The time was 1993. The political climate was shifting from a 12-year Republican White House to a young Democrat named Bill Clinton. Movies like “Jurassic Park,” “Groundhog...

Top 10 “would-be” Autobiographies from 2018

Other than socks, autobiographies are the unprecedented champions of thoughtless gifts over the holiday season. Nothing says “I didn’t really have time to shop for you” more...

Top 15 Gifts Not to Buy Your Boss this Holiday Season

The holidays offer enough stress without trying to figure out the perfect gift for your boss. And while we at the Keys Weekly cannot tell you what...

Top Ten Things NOT to Bring to Thanksgiving Dinner

Ah, the holidays … the most wonderful time of year, and the most awkward time of the year. Looking back on dysfunctional Thanksgivings of the past, we...

Survival Tips for the Keys Zombie Apocalypse

If you must kill a zombie, kill it with kindness. The irony will make it easier for everyone. Sexy zombies drink free! Learn the difference between a...

We Finally Discovered Why Comcast Goes Out in the Key

1. The outage strangely occurred just after you received a text alert that read “THIS IS A TEST of the national Wireless Emergency Alert System. No action...