MILES TO GO: KIDS CAN’T CATCH; I’M CONCERNED

I’m concerned. This is a problem.

Kids can’t catch. Seriously.

It’s bad enough they can’t write in cursive, read a map or count back change.

But they can’t CATCH. Anything, apparently..

I tossed HUNDREDS of individual Tootsie Rolls — the longer, 3-inch ones — to kids at Saturday’s holiday parade. I threw them gently, underhand, to kids who were looking right at me from 2 feet away.

Their outstretched hands closed uselessly together, AFTER the candy had hit them lightly in the chest, or the face. Over and over again.

Two — only two — kids actually caught the candy I threw Saturday night. And I’m not counting the tiny ones whose fine motor skills are still developing. (I’m not an animal.)

But I’m sorry. Kids 7, 8, 12 years old should be able to catch a Tootsie Roll or a mini-Snickers from a couple feet away.

Some of them didn’t even try, and were content to just let it hit them in the chest, then fall to the ground, where they picked it up. Others hid in horror from a piece of candy, dodging it as if it was a grenade.

What are we doing? Aside from making Keep Away and Dodgeball much easier for kids who CAN catch?

Physical education teachers can only do so much. Parents, this is on you. Please start tossing things to your kids.

Start with something easy — and painless (given their current abilities) — like their paired socks from the laundry. Because trust me, if Saturday night was any indication, they will get hit in the face with whatever you throw.

Then graduate to a juice box (unopened), a  simple rubber pinkie ball, a roll of paper towels, a bottle of water, the TV remote, car keys.

These are items commonly tossed in the world, or at least in my world, across the living room or over the roof of a car.

And for God’s sake, eventually, teach them to catch — and throw — a Frisbee, a baseball, a tennis ball and a football. (Your dog can help with the tennis ball lessons.)  But don’t attempt those until the socks stop hitting them in the face. Frisbees and baseballs can take out a tooth or break a nose. But even that’s not the end of the world. Kids survive. They may get beaned in the face a time or two, but they start CATCHING things.

The biggest defense of online gaming is the hand-eye coordination it teaches kids.

So, what? They can shoot a hooker from a block away in Grand Theft Auto, but they can’t catch a real-life Tootsie Roll?

And they don’t seem to care. Or even try. It’s as if they don’t even know that catching is part of the arrangement when someone tosses them something.

I’ll never forget the first time I played tee ball at age 4, my dad took me out to buy a left-handed glove and then to the backyard to play catch.

He refused to have his daughter “throw like a girl,” and proceeded to teach me to throw with my whole arm, not just from the elbow. To this day, I can catch with the best of them, usually one-handed. And when someone’s throwing chocolate, I don’t miss.

Mandy Miles drops stuff, breaks things and falls down more than any adult should. An award-winning writer, reporter and columnist, she's been stringing words together in Key West since 1998. "Local news is crucial," she says. "It informs and connects a community. It prompts conversation. It gets people involved, holds people accountable. The Keys Weekly takes its responsibility seriously. Our owners are raising families in Key West & Marathon. Our writers live in the communities we cover - Key West, Marathon & the Upper Keys. We respect our readers. We question our leaders. We believe in the Florida Keys community. And we like to have a good time." Mandy's married to a saintly — and handy — fishing captain, and can't imagine living anywhere else.