In case you’ve been living under the Cow Key, we mean, the Cheryl H. Cates Memorial Bridge, then you know we at the Keys Weekly have just wrapped up another fun and blistering Bubbas: Key West People’s Choice. Our Top 10 list of ways “You Might Be a Bubba” has become a staple of the annual awards, and for those who weren’t able to attend, we didn’t want you to miss out.
So here it is, our 2022 version…
You might be a Bubba if…..
10. You are still citing “trauma and stress from Hurricane Wilma” (in 2005) while renewing your medical marijuana card.
9. You voted Key West Fire Department as “Best Family Business.”
8. You constantly complain about gas prices, yet you have four Mercury Verado 600hp V12 engines on the back of your 44-foot 2022 Contender.
7. You’ve married, divorced or owe money to anyone with one of these last names: Toppino, Lewin, Barrios, Spottswood, Albury, McCoy, Niles, Oropeza, Calleja, Weekley, Cobo, Sands Parks, Haskins, Curry, Galvan, Alea, Davila, Varala, Wardlow or Barroso. (Our note: We owe money to everyone on this list)
6. You just learned two months ago that there’s a girls’ varsity softball team. #bandwagon
5. Less than 24 hours after your baby girl was born, she had her ears pierced, a 24 kt. gold name chain and a red KW Conchs baseball cap.
4. You voted for Jack Niles as “Best Auto Dealer,” but you drive a Kia.
3. You netted $2.4 million on the Conch cottage your great-grandpa built with his bare hands.
2. You squandered the $2.4 million you netted from your great-grandpa’s house on a long weekend of yayo, prostitutes and craps at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino.
1. You know every word to Mike Stack’s “I’m from Key West,” but only know about half of the national anthem.
