The year 2013, which seems as if it has just begun, is now set to disappear into the mists of the past. As far as years go, it wasn’t the worst (no tropical events), but it wasn’t the best (no Mega Millions winning ticket). We won some (the Old Seven Mile Bridge) and we lost some (state sewer funding). Let’s take one more moment to begin our look back with random ruminations from this very column over the past year.

January – I’m proposing here, on these pages, a New Year’s resolution for all of us (at the very least all of us who get behind the wheel, start the car, and drive on the streets we all share). And that resolution is: let’s all reacquaint ourselves with that wonderful little lever on the side of the steering column in each of our vehicles. This often-neglected lever is for the benefit of all the motorists in our vicinity who happen not to be gifted with psychic powers.

January – Now it you are the kind of person who just lets his dog relieve himself everywhere without bagging the little gift your pooch leaves behind, you may want to think twice before doing that again. A friend of mine from Islamorada took a photo of what looked to be one of the largest dog turds ever, and posted it on Facebook with a warning to the dog’s owner as to where she might find the next steaming pile left by the dog.

February – A Midwestern Congresswoman called [the travel agent] and demanded to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. The agent explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but the Congresswoman couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, the agent just told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

March – If you’ve ever wondered why most hotels and resorts offer adult beverage service around their swimming pools, the entire rationale can be summed up in just three words: “Mommy! Watch this!” Those three words, shrieked repeatedly at 119 dB, reflecting off the surface of the water and echoing through the concrete canyon of the surrounding hotel, invade one’s ear canal in the same manner as that of an ice pick. Meanwhile Mommy, who is just trying to read “Fifty Shades” in peace while the kids play in the pool, can’t find the poolside waiter fast enough to order that rum runner and calm her nerves… especially because Daddy is out on his fishing trip right now.

April – Q: What is perfect pitch? A: When you lob a banjo into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

May – The fact that Jim DeFede’s Marathon and the real Marathon are drastically different matters. It matters because we hold the people who report our news to a high standard of honesty, integrity, and ethics. We count on them to get it right. Because of Jim DeFede’s out-and-out hatchet job on the community of Marathon, I will now take anything coming from him – and the rest of CBS 4 – with a huge grain of salt. Their credibility is damaged, and I will have a hard time believing anything that comes from their news department and their investigative reporting team. Jim DeFede and WFOR have a duty to get it right. They failed. They certainly failed the real town of Marathon (that bears so little resemblance to the one in the story), and they failed the public at large.

As you can plainly see, we’re barely through half of 2013! Stay tuned for next week’s column, 2013 in Review, Part Duh!


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