HUMOR: TOP 10 NATIONAL HEADLINES THIS WEEK

Many of our readers often ask, “Why are your Top 10s so belligerent and mean-spirited?” 

And we always reply with the same answer, “Our editors are the type of people who pull for the bad guys in movies.” With this in mind, and to appease our soft-hearted followers, we found 10 offbeat headlines from around the country that do not mention oil prices, guns, Johnny Depp, the stock market or monkeypox. So here are …

The good, the funny & the ugly …Top 10 headlines in the U.S. this week:

10. CNN, “New EU rule will require all phones and electronics to use a standard charger.” Translation: The average family will save five hours per week looking for specific phone and tablet chargers.

9. Fox 5 New York: “Pro-choice activists strip during Joel Osteen service.” Translation: “If you buy luxury jets with tax-exempt status, you should, at least, liven up the Sunday worship service.”

8. The Wall Street Journal: “How David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust Redefined Stardom.” Translation: David Bowie was cool then and now. One can never read enough about the coolness of David Bowie.

7. CNN: “Tumors just vanished — cancer patients now in remission after drug trial.” Translation: None needed. Please let this be real.

6. Essay in The Atlantic: “Why is Dad so Mad?”  Translation: This is actually a great read, but it also reminds dads everywhere that you’re not the only grumpy father out there, while examining the joys and perils of fatherhood.

5. CBS News: “Proud Boys leader charged with conspiracy.” Translation: It’s all fun and games to peddle racism and hate while playing dress-up with military fatigues you bought from the local Army surplus store … until you are held accountable for being a miserable douche.

4. Fox News: “No apology. Kid Rock tells Tucker Carlson he stands by drunken rant attacking Oprah Winfrey.” Translation: Nothing could be more Fox News than Kid Rock talking it up with Tucker Carlson about not apologizing for a drunken rant against a prominent African American woman in America.

3. The Daily Beast: “Trump Staffer Told Fake Electors to Operate in ‘Complete Secrecy’: Email.” Translation: Both sides are always looking for smoking guns. Well, the televised Jan. 6 coverage will be littered with them, but we doubt everyone will be watching.

2. The U.S. Sun: “Tiger Woods turned down $1B to join Saudi-based LIV Golf series.” Translation: The myth that “everyone has a price” just got debunked … or, we at least know that Tiger’s integrity costs more than a billion dollars. Dustin Johnson, not so much.

1. CNN: “Ted Lasso will end with Season 3. But that was always the plan.” Translation: Sadly, it will be the end of a refreshingly positive comedy on Apple TV+. However, it is a wonderful reminder that we are about to get another dose of Jason Sudeikis for a final season of streaming perfection.

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