Hi friends! Reef the fox here with your weekly “Reef’s Report,” reporting live from the Florida Keys where I was abandoned this past weekend so my mother could run off to New York City and apparently become famous-adjacent without me.
First of all, let’s discuss the betrayal. I was left behind. The face of this organization. The talent. The star. The emotional support fox. And for what? So my mother could go gallivanting around Manhattan meeting celebrities and attending screenings while I sat at home screaming into the void and aggressively rearranging mulch.
And who did she get to meet? Oh, just the one and only Linda Perry. Yes. That Linda Perry.
The woman responsible for some of the most iconic songs ever written. The powerhouse behind “Beautiful,” “Get the Party Started” and approximately every emotionally devastating song humans cry to in their cars at night. Meanwhile I was in Key Largo suffering in extreme humidity. Apparently my mother attended a screening of “Let It Die Here,” the documentary about Perry’s life and creative process directed by filmmaker Don Hardy. There was also a Q&A and an acoustic performance, because clearly the universe enjoys tormenting me personally.
Frankly, I would have thrived there. I belong in New York City. I have the attitude. I have the dramatic flair. I already yell at people for no reason. I could absolutely make it in Manhattan. Some of you can barely survive Publix and yet somehow I’m considered “too chaotic” for public transit? Disrespectful.
The worst part? She came home acting all emotionally inspired talking about how powerful the film was and how meaningful it was to meet Perry in person. Meanwhile I’m sitting there like … cool. Did you at least tell her about me? Did she hear about my journalism career? My weekly column? My ongoing advocacy work? My ability to hold a grudge for six to eight business months?
Nothing.
So congratulations to my mother on her glamorous NYC weekend while I remained here in Florida living like a forgotten Victorian child.
Anywho, that’s all for this week. Until next time, Reef, over and out!
