Hi friends! Reef the fox here with your weekly “Reef’s Report.” I come to you today not with fluff, though I have plenty to spare, but with concern. Deep, dramatic concern.
You see, it has come to my attention that last week, Baby Isla (yes, that Isla) was invited to make an official visit to the Plantation Key Courthouse. There, she visited with new Circuit Court Judge James Morgan and County Court Judge Sharon Hamilton. That’s right, she waltzed in like she owned the judicial system, all wide eyes and fluffy tail and proceeded to charm the very robes of our esteemed judges. The audacity.
Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear: I am not jealous. I am bewildered. Baffled. Because while Isla was out there collecting admiration and courtroom cuddles, I, Reef the fox, three-time winner of Best Local Celebrity in the Best of the Upper Keys, sat uninvited in my climate-controlled sanctuary, forced to watch the proceedings through secondhand Instagram stories.
I have questions. I have thoughts. And most importantly, I have a résumé that demands recognition. Let’s not forget who built this empire. I paved the way. I was the first fox in this community to go viral, the original face of fur-free advocacy in Monroe County. I have kissed babies (figuratively), posed with deputies, delighted tourists, all from the comfort of my very exclusive residence. I may not leave the house, but that’s beside the point. The point is: I deserve the option to decline invitations to prestigious venues.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Isla is precious. She’s got that new-fox energy and the unbridled enthusiasm of someone who hasn’t yet been inconvenienced by a mat stuck to her tail. But while she’s busy stealing hearts and rubbing noses with court staff, I’m over here holding down the den, inspecting enrichment items, maintaining my public image, and ensuring every guest leaves with a photo and a smile.
So to the esteemed powers that be in Monroe County: I demand justice. I demand recognition. And most importantly, I demand a ceremonial invitation to the courthouse — not to attend, heavens no — but to dramatically decline it.
Because at the end of the day, I am not just a fox. I am the fox.
Until next time, Reef, over and out!
