Prior to April 20, or 4/20, LawnStarter released its “2021’s Best Cities to Get Stoned” in America. Surprisingly, no cities or towns across the Florida Keys were named, so our team conducted extensive polls and research to see where locals like to indulge here in Monroe County. Always here to help, and to offer some input for LawnStarter’s 2022 consideration…we offer:
The Top 10 Places to Get Stoned in the Keys
(Disclaimer: This a satirical piece. Anyone caught conducting or participating in illegal activities in relation to this topic cannot hold the Keys Weekly and its affiliates liable for legal recourse, damages, arrest, public scrutiny, dry mouth, extreme munchies, short-term memory loss, acute paranoia and a keen interest in nature shows and Ska music riffs. We are also not responsible for individuals who haven’t laughed in the past 36 months, can’t take a joke, hate the sound of children’s laughter and love nothing more than being offended by most anything outside of their personal ideologies and understanding.)
- The Jumping Bridge. It’s “sort of legal,” and so is weed.
- County Commission meetings. (Trust us. These meetings are long and you’ll need something to get you through — just ask Mandy Miles).
- The Square Grouper or My New Joint restaurants and bar. Don’t tell Lynn Bell we encouraged this at her establishments, but with names like these, how can they not be on this list?
- The golf course. There’s nothing like 18 holes over a solid nine hours (and the course rangers will love you).
- Sweet Savannah’s in Marathon. An oasis of ice creams, pies, cookies and sweets. You get the point.
- Comedy Key West: Even without the devil’s lettuce, these are some funny people and a great experience — but we “know some people” who can vouch for this enhanced good time.
- Any body of water in the Florida Keys: You live in the Keys for a reason (just pick up your trash).
- Any bar that conducts dildo races or hires Landon Bradbary to host an event. We’re not saying any names.
- The Bubbas: Key West People’s Choice Awards. You’ll need weed to laugh at the two dipshit emcees at this event.
- Mt. Trashmore in Key West. We’ve never been up there, but it would only make sense to enhance your experience atop a green mountain of waste made of explosive methane gases … on second thought, take this one off the list.
