Here at the Keys Weekly, we take the responsibility of serving our community as Marathon’s top locally-owned news source very seriously. In most years, when we write our awards show for the Best of Marathon, we spend hours, days and even weeks doing copious amounts of research to deliver the best possible product on show night. In other years … the jokes pretty much write themselves. After a wild year of headlines, here are our…
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE FROM MARATHON
You might be from Marathon if…
10. Your family will be featured prominently in “Cocaine Cowboys 3.”
9. Those migrant chugs are the preferred Uber for your company’s staff.
8. The FBI considers your Facebook page a “resource.”
7. You voted Bongos AquaPark as “Best Place to Get a Staph Infection.”
6. Your hot fall “look” includes a “Columbia” fishing shirt, Xtratuf boots and an ankle bracelet.
5. You get your cafe con leche, building permits and black market lottery tickets at the “old Subway.”
4. Your family’s Ancestry.com profile features exorbitant use of the terms “resource violations,” “racketeering” and “melanoma.”
3. You take a jon boat to the grocery store during the rainy season.
2. When you hear the whirl of Trauma Star, you know your fentanyl is about to be delivered.
- You voted 20th Street as “Best Neighborhood.”
BONUS: You don’t associate with anyone who was not involved in the Trauma Star scandal, Jan. 6 insurrection or cocaine distribution ring.
