Top 10 POSITIVE STATEMENTS ABOUT THIS NEVER-ENDING RAIN

The Keys have been deluged this past week, and there’s no sign it’s letting up any time soon. In the three days preceding Oct. 21, Cudjoe Key was the clear winner with 5.19 inches of rain, followed by Marathon with 4.03 inches. 

10. Four out of five doctors report less sunshine means less skin cancer. 

9. 40-day cruises now half off. Limited availability. Reserve soon.

8. Everyone has an outdoor shower.

7. David Attenborough on his way down here to film the upcoming frog orgy.

6. FEMA will cover our flood losses immediately and fairly. A

5. Rain, puddles and storm spelled backward are “niar,” “selddup” and “mrots” — all fun words to try to pronounce because our outdoor patio table at the bar is not currently habitable.

4. As long as your “FL numbers” are on display, it’s okay to drive Jet Ski around the golf course. 

3. News outlets are reporting a 60% chance of “raining money” — especially if new stimulus package goes through before the election.

2. Good time to invest in Oxitec.

  1. Husband might finally deliver on promise to clean up his “fishing corner” under the house, initially made in Our Year of the Lord 1996.

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