Seeing the news out of D.C., that fat $1,400 check is starting to burn a hole in your pocket, isn’t it? And you don’t even have it yet. Never fear, we’re here to help:
Top 10 ways to spend your stimulus check in the Keys
- You can now afford to pay your bar tab at all the places that have your mugshot hanging on the wall for dashing.
- You can buy groceries twice in one week in the Keys. Just kidding. It’s a stimulus check, not a winning lottery ticket.
- Rent an obnoxiously slow vehicle and drive in front of tourists all day. It’s called payback.
- You can finally replace your Christmas lights. We know you won’t take them down, but at least you can add new ones.
- Pay a fraction of the $25,000 in credit card debt you accrued during lockdowns. Thanks, Uncle Sam. You’re welcome, Capital One.
- You can finally buy “that part” for your boat and get it out of your yard.
- Fill your entire gas tank.
- Buy chicken feed, then in the middle of the night set up feeding stations at the homes of the most active social media trolls in town — you know who they are.
- Health care. Just kidding. It’s a stimulus check. Not a winning lottery ticket.
- Pay to have your Fantasy Fest pictures taken off Porn Hub.