We all thought the heavy politics would die out with the primaries on Aug. 18.
We didn’t know how wrong we were.
Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever (I think, I didn’t actually look) … we have political attack ads in the Best of Marathon voting.
It all began innocently enough on the finalist ballot for Best Local Celebrity. We had one of the town’s most prolific fundraisers and recently-retired bartenders in Andy Sharf, pitted against one of the most famous trees in the country (Fred), along with the man so synonymous with this city that his nickname is literally “Mr. Marathon.” What a fortunate slate of options to have.
Then came the ads. The first shots were fired by none other than Sharf.
“VOTE FOR ME – NOT THE TREE,” said his heavily-doctored Facebook photo, pointing to his temporary nemesis in the background and leaving a link to the finalist voting (keysweekly.com/BOM26).
The post quickly garnered more than 100 likes and a slew of comments – both supportive and outraged. And with crucial questions.
“If you win, will you decorate your beard for Christmas?” asked one commenter. “The tree never kicked me out of the bar.”
“Can we have a best foliage category?” wrote city grants coordinator Maria Covelli. “Then Fred is golden.”
Several commenters debated Fred’s eligibility – leaving the shores of Marathon to cross the Seven Mile Bridge does technically place one in unincorporated Monroe County, after all – but most agreed: While still technically an attack ad, at least it’s better than what’s filled our mailboxes for the last four months.
The Keys Weekly reached out to representation for Fred requesting a comment, but not expecting one from the stoic tree.
We were, again, wrong.
In full transparency, the following is Fred’s response, in its entirety:
“For years, Andy has been allowed to roam freely through this community with his beard and one goal: stealing Fred the Tree’s spotlight. Now, he’s gone too far.
“Fred has weathered storms like no one else in the Keys. Fred has survived controversy about being an illegal resident. Fred has literally put down roots in this community and is the epitome of Keys Strong. Fred is an actual celebri-tree starring in a Jake Gyllenhaal movie.
“Meanwhile, Andy has resorted to negative campaigning, cheap shots and what sources close to Fred are calling ‘an alarming lack of photosynthesis.’
“This election, reject the noise. Reject the mudslinging. Reject candidates who can’t even produce their own oxygen. Vote Fred the Tree for Best Celebrity. ROOTED IN MARATHON. NOT ROOTED IN DRAMA.”
Speaking to the Weekly on Aug. 25, Puto said he has no ads planned for himself, but jumped to Fred’s defense.
“He’s a symbol,” Puto said. “It’s neat that the bridge has held up so long to hold him – it’s got its hands full there.
“I think the community loves me – they’re naming the football stadium after me,” he added. “I’ll stand above it and let my achievements speak for themselves.”
Clean campaign or not, the issue will be settled at the 2026 Best of Marathon Awards on Saturday, Sept. 19. Voting for finalists in all categories is open from now until midnight on Sunday, Sept. 6 at keysweekly.com/BOM26.
Editor’s note: If you think we’re serious with any of this, please calm down. It’s a joke, and this city is beyond lucky to have such a slate of finalists.
