Game of Thrones Season 8 is on the horizon and audiences are waiting like hipsters outside an Apple store to get a peek. While the final chapter promises to be the best, the first seven seasons have taught us much about ourselves — and what to expect in the finale. Always here to help, here are …

Top 10 Lessons We’ve Learned from Game of Thrones

  1. In case of a zombie apocalypse, keep a sword made of Valyrian steel handy. (However, be leery of anyone offering you their “Valyrian steel” during the zombie bike ride).

 

  1. Always remember to get your Direwolf registered as a service animal (Call Tammy Fox at the SPCA if you need assistance: 305-294-4857).

 

  1. If you’re going to have to do a nude walk of shame through downtown, be sure to starve in a dungeon for a few weeks first. You may be covered in rotten vegetables, but at least you look sexy underneath (this basically sums Landon Bradbury at Fantasy Fest for the past 15 years).

 

  1. Whether you’re mayor or queen … always make your lackey try the wine first (this one is for you, Teri Johnston).

 

  1. Even in medieval times, it’s always good to groom the nether regions (we still are not sure how they did this without a Gillette handy … but hey, if Jon Snow can groom with a dull dagger, you can surely take the time to do it with a razor).

 

  1. Never prematurely gloat over an “inevitable victory” of any kind — especially a campaign or a sword fight. (At least in the former, you get a concession speech instead of your head being popped like a grape).

 

  1. Cool people come in exceptionally small and large sizes (Note: Never challenge the smaller people to a wine-drinking contest).

 

  1. Do a DNA test and check Ancestry.com before sleeping with anybody, ever. King or not …. eeeewwe (this also applies to: 1. Luke and Leia in the Empire Strikes Back. 2. Anyone you meet at Don’s Place.)

 

  1. Happiness inevitably leads to misery. The moment you exhibit happiness of any kind, you will be dead within a day.

 

  1. If you don’t have a dragon, you are a loser, capital L on forehead, loooooser. (This is basically the equivalent of having a golfcart in Key West).

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