Super Bowl LVIII, set for Sunday, Feb. 11, offers plenty of clickbait-worthy storylines as the near-dynastic Kansas City Chiefs (and a certain pop icon) prepare to take on the juggernaut San Francisco 49ers in a rematch of 2020’s Super Bowl LIV. With the big game just around the corner, we asked our staff to pick their winners and tell us why – and while our office is home to a few league gurus and fantasy football champs, let’s just say you wouldn’t want all of them as your phone-a-friend for NFL Jeopardy. And for the love of God, please don’t take ANY of these as official betting advice.

NINER NATION ALL DAY! I’m from the Bay (and I don’t mean Florida Bay) and will rep it any day. Plus, my 2-year-old nephew just learned to say ‘(Niner) Gang Gang,’ so we’re a shoo-in.”

– Tiffany Duong, Environmental Writer

“I don’t know how anyone can pick against Patrick Mahomes in a game like this. Having said that, I’m ‘Purdy’ confident the Niners will take this one by a slim margin, 28-24.” 

— Jim McCarthy, Upper Keys editor & two-time Clown Ethics League fantasy football champion

“I’m one of those desperate Patriots fans who cried when Brady left. So I’ll go for the 49ers, just so we can hold off the dynasty and G.O.A.T. talks about K.C. and Mahomes for one more year. Final score 27-24.”

– Alex Rickert, Marathon editor & Deflategate truther

Kansas City. The Chiefs defense, Mahomes and millions of Swifties will not be denied.”

– Jason Koler, Publisher

I’m going with the Niners because Taylor Swift makes me angry. I also get angered by puppies, children’s laughter and random acts of kindness.”

– Britt Myers, Publisher 

“Of course the Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl again. I’m a super Patrick Mahomes fan, as I follow the quarterbacks and love watching him play, especially in those crucial last minutes of the fourth quarter. I followed Peyton Manning from the Colts to the Broncos, and I even named my sons after Joe Montana and Dan Marino.”

Char Hruska, Executive Administrator

“After double checking who is playing in the Super Bowl, I have to go for San Francisco, 49-12. Just because it makes me feel like 49 again!”

Irene de Bruijn, Graphic Designer

“I don’t really watch football but I am rooting for the Chiefs because my girlfriend is a Swiftie!” 

– Oliver Allison, Business Account Manager

“Remind me, what sport is this for? Yay sports!”

Stephanie Mitchell, Account Executive & Creative Director

“I’m torn. I used to live in Kansas City, so my loyalty lies with them. But… I went to two proms with Christian McCaffrey’s uncle. But I’ll go with the Kansas City Chiefs — if only to watch the conspiracy theorists’ heads explode.” 

Mandy Miles, Key West editor

Chicago Bears 42, Miami Dolphins 0. This would make up for the lone blemish on the 1985 Bears’ record.”

Mike Howie, Copy Editor

Editor’s note: I’m so confused…

I want the Kansas City Chiefs to win so that Taylor Swift can ‘Shake it Off,’ and so the influential media personalities can expound on their conspiracy that Taylor and the NFL are swaying the Democratic vote.”

Anneke Patterson, Production Manager

Inter Miami 3, Columbus Crew 1 … wait, you guys are talking about American fútbol? I still say it should be called handball.”– Javier Reyes, Graphic Designer

Alex Rickert made the perfectly natural career progression from dolphin trainer to newspaper editor in 2021 after freelancing for Keys Weekly while working full time at Dolphin Research Center. A resident of Marathon since 2015, he fell in love with the Florida Keys community by helping multiple organizations and friends rebuild in the wake of Hurricane Irma. An avid runner, actor, and spearfisherman, he spends as much of his time outside of work on or under the sea having civil disagreements with sharks.