When it comes to reporting the news in one of the most eclectic counties in the U.S., there’s rarely a month without at least two or three headlines worthy of laughing out loud or simply scratching your head, saying “wait … what?” From dozens of worthy stories, here are our favorites:
Rescued Freediver Tells Harrowing Story
On Jan. 19, freediver Dylan Gartenmayer was swept away by deep-ocean currents while spearfishing. Surfacing out of sight from his boat and dive buddies, Gartenmayer swam more than a mile to a part of the reef marked with floating mooring balls, lashed three of them together and used them as a flotation device until he was found hours later in the dark. The Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary eventually found the buoys that saved Gartenmayer’s life and gave one to him as a memento.
Sugarloaf School Sets ‘Baby Shark’ World Record
On the morning of May 5, the Sugarloaf Sharks set a new Guinness World Record for the most people simultaneously performing the “Baby Shark” song and dance. The 887-person event was organized by Ajax builders to mark the ribbon-cutting of the new elementary wing.
Uhh … That Doesn’t Fit
The southbound lanes of U.S. 1 crossing Vaca Cut in Marathon temporarily closed on May 24 as a barge traversing the cut while carrying an excavator struck and eventually became stuck on the underside of the bridge’s northern edge. The barge was freed about an hour later.
Oh Crap: Sewer Line Break Causes Traffic in the Upper Keys
Motorists traveling north in the Upper Keys on June 18 experienced heavy traffic backups after a sewer line break at MM 92.5 in Tavernier closed one road lane. Crews arrived on scene to conduct repairs, leaving only one northbound lane open to vehicles on a busy Father’s Day and three-day weekend. The closure of one northbound lane had traffic backed up for several miles throughout the day and into the evening. The village urged residents to avoid the area if possible.
Neil deGrasse Tyson Says Barbieland Is in the Florida Keys
Neil deGrasse Tyson, the noted astrophysicist and author, revealed Aug. 9 on Twitter that his astronomical expertise places Barbie Land in our beloved island chain. “In (Barbie), the Moon’s orientation places Barbie World between 20 & 40 deg North Latitude on Earth. Palm trees further constrain latitude between 20 & 30 deg,” he wrote. “The Sun & Moon rose & set over the ocean. If it’s in the U.S., Barbie World lands somewhere in the Florida Keys.”
Thousands of Angry Bees Terrorize Key West Hotel Guests
A horror show with swarms of bees in attack mode started on Aug. 16 after a beehive had been “improperly removed” from behind a home on 20th Street in Key West, which runs behind two hotels on North Roosevelt Boulevard at the entrance to the southernmost city, according to the Key West Fire Department. Someone trying to remove the bees from the home sprayed the hives with insecticide, according to David Lewis, a Big Pine Key beekeeper, who was called in to help. Lewis estimated a bee count of up to 100,000. “They were all in attack mode,” he said. “They were all in a complete stinging frenzy, flying around and attacking. … They went nuts.”
Meth-Fueled Frenzy on Conch Key
High on methamphetamine and ranting about a non-existent burglar, a Conch Key man on Aug. 30 fired a handgun three times inside his home while his roommate was inside, according to Monroe County Sheriff’s deputies. No one was injured, but that wasn’t for a lack of trying, deputies said. His roommate, a 27-year-old woman who had her infant son with her when the first gunshot went off, said she feared for her life. The night before the shooting, Peter Anthony Capurro had called the Sheriff’s Office to his home on West Conch Avenue. He claimed he saw two people hiding behind the shower curtain in his bathroom, “so he discharged a firearm towards the shower,” detectives wrote in a report. Capurro’s roommate told deputies Capurro had been on a meth bender.
Illegal, But Hilarious
Key West International Airport’s entrance sign was given an unauthorized update on the morning of Sept. 10. Someone put up their own letters to make the sign appear to have been named after legendary singer-songwriter Jimmy Buffett, who passed away nine days earlier. The fake letters were removed within 15 minutes after the act was reported, as airport officials and MCSO deputies acted quickly to take them down.
Grand Theft … Bahia Honda? Keys Icons Pop Up in Video Game Trailer
Revealed in a short trailer on Dec. 4, the Bahia Honda Bridge (with the Seven Mile Bridge in the background) appears to be a set piece in Rockstar Games’ highly-anticipated upcoming action/adventure game “Grand Theft Auto VI.” The eighth installment in the iconic game series is set within a fictional state of Leonida – based on Florida – and a fictionalized version of Miami dubbed “Vice City.” Signs seen in the game’s trailer mention the “Vice City Keys.” It was unclear whether video game versions of Monroe County Sheriff’s Office staff will make an appearance in the crime-centric game during high-speed chases. Or whether there will be empty squad cars every few miles.
