1. The outage strangely occurred just after you received a text alert that read “THIS IS A TEST of the national Wireless Emergency Alert System. No action is needed.”
2. Comcast is shy and playing “hard-to-get.”
3. Cable cares as far south as Miami, then it stops giving a shit.
4. It’s just a reminder that when we’re watching TV with our families, we should take a moment to stop staring at our TVs so we can stare at our phones.
5. Old data transmission fluid in the broadband capacitor.
6. Someone at Comcast forgot to pay the AT&T bill.
7. It all starts with Jordan Smith of Broadwave and a large pair of scissors.
8. A kink in the fiber optic cable.
9. Somewhere deep in Comcast’s Philadelphia headquarters, there is a light switch that appears to do nothing. Jenny in accounting keeps flipping it on and off — unaware of the chaos she is causing in the Keys.
10. The day ends in “Y”