Top 10 Signs Offseason is Coming to a Close in Key West - A bird standing next to a body of water - Rooster
Rooster on the street

For a few brief moments, from June through September, Key West residents pause to regroup from the hectic demands of seasonal traffic. During that time, locals enjoy a collective breath of solidarity while indulging in shorter lines, less traffic and special offerings from local restaurants and retailers. However, as season approaches once again, so too do the intangible nuances that accompany the influx of tourists and snowbirds. So as we say goodbye to the offseason here at the Keys Weekly, we also pay tribute to the…

  1. Suddenly, everyone on the back of a scooter is pointing a selfie stick at every rooster, drag queen and palm tree.
  2. Even though there is a Starbucks, CVS and Walgreens on every corner of Key West, it still takes two hours to get a cup of coffee and a pack of gum.
  3. Snowbirds begin flocking back to HOA and City Commission meetings to tell everyone else how to best run the town.
  4. You have a better chance of winning the lottery than you do seeing your contractor, Comcast or your doctor before May 2020.
  5. You go to Publix and immediately want to do horrible things to the entitled jackass who cut you off for the last parking space.
  6. You have to get the annual dry-cleaning done for your one suit because of the 20 events that take place between November and February.
  7. You forget how frightening a 70-year-old school crossing guard can sound when she’s screaming at your car.
  8. You need an audiobook to kill the hour drive from Stock Island to Old Town.
  9. Your favorite local-friendly pool serves you with a restraining order.
  10. You ask your server if there is a local discount and she responds by smacking you in the face.

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