We are early into the NFL season, when every fan remains hopeful that this year is THE YEAR their team lands in the Super Bowl. And here in south Florida, nothing beats the blind optimism of loyal and faithful Miami Dolphins fans, who last made it to the big game in 1984. Always here to help, we offer the …

Top 10 Signs the Dolphins Will Likely NOT Win the Super Bowl

10. Because the last time they made it to the big game, “Owner of a Lonely Heart” was the #1 song in America and Ronald Reagan just embarked on a second term.

9. It’s never a good sign when your owner is recruiting a quarterback facing 22 lawsuits over allegations of sexual misconduct to replace your current starting “franchise” quarterback.

8. Because team owners Venus and Serena Williams won more titles before age 19 than the Dolphins have logged in their lifetimes.

7. Because your previous owner, who also owned Blockbuster, used a similar “business adaptation approach” for both companies. 

6. Because you just logged more yardage on your Fitbit walking to the mailbox and back than starting running back Myles Gaskin has recorded through two games.

5. Because nothing has gone right ever since Marino and Snowflake were kidnapped. #ace

4.  Because Ryan Tannehill is still on his “it wasn’t me, it was you” kiss my ass tour in Tennessee.

3. Because there was only one Don Shula and will never be another. #respect

2. Because you made Hootie cry. #Hootiecurse

1.  Because it is the Miami Dolphins.

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