Top 10 Signs the Federal Government is Shut Down in the Keys

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  1. All fishing restrictions lifted, including all groupers — even square!
  2. Key West Airport Security now allows shoes, electronics, 1.75 liters of Tito’s Vodka, subdued livestock and “reasonable” contraband through all checkpoints.
  3. Debbie Mucarsel-Powell is working part-time at Fury Water Sports.
  4. NAS Commander Bobby Baker converted his F/A-18 Hornets into Ubers.
  5. Dry Tortugas National Park named the newest HQ2 facility for Amazon Prime.
  6. Robert Mueller accepts part-time position with MCSO Cyber Crimes Division to investigate Russian tampering in 2018 Mosquito Control Board election.
  7. The shutdown will not affect FDOT’s ability to respond or act upon any/all road projects within 264 days.
  8. Plans for a border wall to keep Marathon residents out of Key West have been placed on hold.
  9. Cruise ship tourists can now take one python, iguana, lionfish or Key deer back on the ship as souvenirs.
  10. Good Year secures naming rights to iconic Fat Albert “weather blimp” on Cudjoe Key.

 

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