10. You attribute the birth of your last child to too many coronaviruses.
9. You deal with the sniffles by jamming a couple lime wedges up your nose.
8. You refer to Tony Romo as the head of the CDC.
7. “La Virus Mas Fina”
6. You think antiviral medicine is best served cold, from a bottle, and stored in a cooler.
5. You get directions to your doctor’s office by asking Siri to “Find my beach.”
4. As a card-carrying lib, you suddenly change your stance on the border wall in the interest of public health concerns.
3. You start a social media campaign encouraging President Trump to assassinate General Tso as he did General Soleimani.
2. You cause a massive scene at P.F. Chang’s when the table next to you orders a bucket of Coronas.
1. As a tequila drinker, you remain entirely unconcerned.
