If you haven’t purchased stock in Zoom Video Communications Inc. (ZM) then you have missed the boat. A majority of Earth’s inhabitants are reporting to work with the popular video conferencing app, but many are new to service and are finding themselves in conflict with their company’s HR policies. We want to help you keep your job. 

Top 10 things NOT to do during a work-related Zoom call…

10) Proudly display the exotic tiger cub you recently purchased through Chinese contacts.

9) When reaching for your coffee, you inadvertently send a tower of empty Miller High Life cans crashing loudly to the floor.

8) Point to the $20s on the bookshelf as your “girlfriend” slinks out the door.

7) Sign in with the Pornhub credentials, ‘slipperywhenwet.’

6) Alternate between hitting the vape pen and incessantly licking your fingers.

5) Use a photo of your boss’s ex-wife’s boyfriend as your backdrop.

4) Sign in 15 minutes late and make up some bullshit excuse about your internet connection. 

3) Fall asleep.

2) Make a point of supporting your colleagues’ ideas by taking a shot of Jäger every time someone says “good idea.”

1) Wish everyone well as you take a call from the locked bathroom of a raging non-social-distancing gathering.

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