Sad fat man lies on the sofa and watches TV

Have you noticed your friends have quit drinking? Is your parking lot at the gym always full? Is your husky neighbor terrifying the ’hood in his new workout tights? Yes, it’s the beginning of the New Year and the weight loss resolutions have another two to three weeks before they expire. In the meantime, we offer hope and encouragement to everyone in the Keys looking to shed a few extra holiday pounds.

1. Jump-start the diet by asking a child or an adult with no filter, “Do you think I am fat?” 

2. Stop adding soft drinks to your rum.

3. Limit intake of alcoholic beverages to only weekends, or holidays, or concerts, or at non-profit events, or chamber after hours, or happy hours, or birthdays … but definitely not on the other days of the year.

4. For inspiration look at the pictures of yourself before you moved to the Keys. (Keep tissue handy).

5. Insist on sugar-free and low-calorie edibles at you dispensary. 

6. Swim to work.

7. Every time you pass a mile marker on U.S.1, pull over and do 10 jumping jacks.

8. Put down your phone — that’s 4.55 ounces right there.

9. Organize a small conspiracy with your closest friends to “fix” the scales at Publix.

10. Replace fried iguana with grilled iguana.

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