It seems the Monroe County BOCC may have changed their minds for the parcel on Rockland Key near MM 9 that could’ve been a Target or WalMart.

In a surprise move earlier this week, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross announced plans to relocate his team to the Lower Keys.

“Miami has been good to us,” Ross said in a prepared statement. “But business is business, and we could not pass up the benefits offered by our generous neighbors to the south.”

Monroe County administrator Roman Gastesi said the move comes on the heels of the infrastructure sales tax passed in November.

“We have plenty of money,” he said giddily. “Sure…we still have to install power, sewers, and fix an old bridge, but a new stadium brings professional cheerleaders.”

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Besides a new state-of-the-art facility, Ross and General Manager Jeff Ireland were promised Honorary Conch certificates from County Mayor George Neugent.

“Our goal is to win football games,” said Ireland. “We feel like Rockland Key gives us the best chance to win.”

Neugent said, “The NFL season is during a typically slow time for the Keys ­— September to December — so we are looking at this expenditure as economic stimulus. And since the Dolphins have only made the playoffs once in the past decade we don’t feel this will have a negative impact on our hurricane evacuation model. Future ROGO units are secured by the Dolphins inability to win their division.”

As the news broke, several players tweeted their optimism.

“I’m taking my talents to Rockland Keys,” tweeted newly acquired receiver Mike Wallace.

“Right next to a great Adult Superstore,” chided kicker Dan Carpenter.

The land-use change still has to go though the Planning Commission, but since a majority of the commission are Dolphin fans the approval is considered a touchdown.

The stadium is expected to open on April Fools Day 2016.


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