Trashy AND Sexy, and Top 16 Don’ts in Key West

Trashy AND Sexy, and Top 16 Don’ts in Key West

City’s spring break gets national publicity from two websites.

Key West received two very different crowns this year. Coed.com voted Key West the 19th trashiest spring break spot in the country, but it made Datingadvice.com’s sexiest spring break list.

Coed.com posted, “Key West is one of the wildest cities in the United States year round, but it’s during the spring break weeks that things really kick off. Not only do you have all the bros and chicks who want to take advantage of the ‘not enforced’ open container laws, but you also have the older adults who head to Key West for the lenient nudity laws.”

Since that website also has features headlines such as “Doctor’s Perform World’s First Successful Dong Transplant on 21-Year-Old Circumcision Victim,” thoughtful newsreaders can take the 19th place designation with a grain of salt or two on the rim of a margarita glass.

On a more positive note, Key West also has a sexy reputation. Key West made No. 4 on the sexiest spring break location. (The brown-as-bilge-waters of Siesta Key on the West Coast of Florida took 12th place.)

Datingadvice.com said, “ Thanks to Duval Street, PrideFest and mile marker zero, Key West exudes sexiness around every corner.” We’re not really sure why mile marker zero is especially sexy, in and of itself, but we’re willing to go with it.

The website lists the sexy things to do: Sunrise Kiteboarding, the Bone Island Haunted Pub Crawl and trolley tours. Sexy places to eat are Blue Heaven, Santiago’s Bodega and El Siboney Restaurant. And the website said the sexy places to stay are Southernmost Hotel, Ocean Key Resort and Spa and The Marquesa Hotel.

Oh, and spring break lasts all month. Key West is surely going to appear on a couple of new lists in 2016.

Top 16 things NOT to do on spring break in Key West

16. When you get pulled over by KWPD, don’t say, “Dude, Donnie Lee is my cousin.”  We’ve tried.  It doesn’t work. (Also don’t try: “Dude, my college room dog is Rick Ramsay.”)

15. Don’t ask for directions to Trader Joe’s.  We don’t have one. Plus, you’re in Key West, you can live without mint flavored body wash for one week.

14. Don’t ride in a car without your seatbelt.  Yes, you can ride a scooter without a helmet.  And no, it makes no sense to us either.

13. Don’t tip your server less than 15 percent.  We know you’re in college, but it still isn’t cool — and karma is much stronger near the equator.

12. Don’t forget to wear sunscreen.  Nothing says “dork” more than a well-done co-ed.

11. Don’t use your older brother’s ID.  First of all, he’s hotter than you and you look nothing alike.  Second, it’s a felony.

10. Don’t relieve yourself on fences, in yards or in the street.  We only do this during Fantasy Fest.

9. Don’t try to ride, antagonize or feed the police horse.  Again … felony.

8. Don’t leave your trash in Key West!  Take it where it belongs … to Marathon. (Note: this is a direct dig at our partners at the Marathon Weekly).

7. Don’t get drunk and try to impress locals by plagiarizing your civil liberties professor.  This is Key West; we are way ahead of you.

6. Don’t go into a shady T-shirt shop unless you want to be ripped off for your entire life savings plus borrow against your children’s future.

5. Don’t balcony jump. You don’t bounce no matter how high you are.

4. “Remember, when we drink, some decisions last forever.  Tattoos are for life… and so is herpes.” — Britt Myers.

3. Don’t ride the bull at Cowboy Bill’s if you are too drunk to stand without holding onto a pole. It won’t end well.

2. Make sure to bring an extra shirt in case you, a friend or the newfound love you just met throws up on yours.

1. Have a designated driver or take a cab if you are drinkin

One Response to "Trashy AND Sexy, and Top 16 Don’ts in Key West"

  1. George  September 1, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    I have heard that by Jan 1st 2016 there will be no more clothing optional motels with clothing optional swimming pools in Key West at all. if that is true then I am sorry but that really sucks.

    Reply

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