BARSTOOL ASTROLOGY – What the Stars Have In Store

Astrology Column

What a time to be alive, folks. Spring is springing. The vernal equinox arrives March 19, the earliest it’s been in over a century. The season it heralds offers the opportunity to begin anew, but not without leaving behind the detritus of the past. Add to this equinox that Saturn, the ringed planet of time, tasks, reality and retribution begins its spin through Aquarius two days later.

The combination of Saturn and Aquarius links the personal to the collective. “I” is usurped by “we.” Our success in this pe—riod depends on our willingness to collaborate and dedicate ourselves to a higher purpose.


Feb. 19 – March 20

This past Mercury in retrograde was particularly vexing to you, my people of the fish. The good news: retrograde is over and you’ve made it to the other side more fortified than ever. All things are now possible, Pisces, but you may have to assert and promote yourself in ways that feel aggressive and out of character. Remember, or perhaps remind others, all fish have teeth.

Notable Pisces:

Ada Calhoun / March 17, 1976


March 21 – April 19

You may have accumulated extraneous commitments, persons and or possessions as of late, Aries. Listen closely: the surplus things you are holding are holding you back. You will need all of your energies and both of your hands for the opportunities that await you. 

Notable Aries:

Jesmyn Ward / April 1, 1977


April 20 – May 20

While your zodiac symbol may be a horned bull, Taurus folks are most likely to gore with the sharpened points of their words. Take heed and hold your tongue, my bull brethren, lest you wound or alienate those closest to you. What good is having the last word if there’s no one left to hear it?

Notable Taurus:

Joseph Beuys / May 12, 1921   


May 21 – June 20

Gemini poet Federico García Lorca wrote, “If I told you the whole story, it would never end.”

I offer this wisdom/caution to you, Gemini, and urge you to create, if not closings to stories, then clear chapter divisions between them. Without endings, how are you to begin anew?

Notable Gemini:

Naomi Campbell / May 22, 1819


June 21 – July 22

The weeks ahead may leave you feeling unfocused and emotionally unmoored. Resist the lure of temporary pleasures like casual infidelity and skipping work to play online poker in your unmade bed. Your future self will thank you if you persevere with patience and hold steady amidst

the rolling waves of restlessness. 

Notable Cancer:

Wangechi Mutu / June 22, 1972


July 23 – Aug. 22

It’s a time of reckoning for my lion pride. Saturn, the planet of karma and commands, begins its three-year spin through Aquarius. For Leos, Saturn will have the most glaring impact on your partnerships. From co-workers to lovers to friends and family members, Saturn demands that you evaluate these bonds, assess them for soundness and oust accordingly. 

Notable Leo:

Vali Myers / Aug. 2, 1930


Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

The decidedly unsexy and anti-earth sign virtue of temperance is strongly recommended in the days ahead, Virgo. Be responsible with your cash, affection and time. When it comes to love of any kind, rather than seek the new, invest in the known.

Notable Virgo:

Nick Cave / Sept. 22, 1957


Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

For the sign of scales, it is a

lifelong challenge to find balance. In personal relationships you have a hard time distinguishing between want and obligation, desire and codependence.

If it makes you feel resentful, scale back.

Notable Libra:

Mark Rothko / Sept. 25, 1903


Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

Fools rush in and you, Scorpio, are nobody’s fool. If you’re feeling the impulse to make major change, consider exploring, but not committing. Take an interview before quitting your job, send a suggestive text rather than a marriage proposal. Honor your impulses, but temper your actions.

Notable Scorpio:

Voltaire / Nov. 21, 1694


Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

Now more than ever you are primed for abundance. Planetary alignments in your fourth house of cash and career suggest new avenues for earning, archer. I would normally caution against your notorious impulse to gamble resources. But luck is on your side and playing a little fast and loose with this windfall

might be the move.

Notable Sagittarius:

Jim Harrison / Dec. 11, 1937


Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

The time is nigh for creative breakthroughs, Capricorn. But said breakthroughs must be invited by a break from the ordinary. You’ll get some help when Mars and Jupiter conjoin in your sign next week, a planetary coupling that laughs, or in your case bleats, in the face of caution. Don’t think twice. Your risks will be rewarded.

Notable Capricorn:

Issa Rae / Jan. 12, 1985


Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

As we move into spring, information formerly kept in the shadows will be brought into the light. Your intuition, keen to uncover secrets, true natures and deeper truths, is doing the dragging. These revelations may be uncomfortable and will temporarily disrupt the rhythm of your life. Take heart, water bearer, everything you come to know, you were meant to know.

Notable Aquarius:

James Dean / Feb. 8, 1931

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