I recently returned to playing live music on stage with a band after a bit of a break. And while the hiatus wasn’t an intentional or even conscious decision — I merely turned my attention elsewhere for a while — it seems to have been beneficial.
Taking a break from something often reminds us why we were doing it in the first place, why it feeds us and how it satisfies us. It seems I needed those reminders.
My time away reminded me that I didn’t start playing music for money or girls. I had never set out to become a revered and renowned guitar player. I picked up a guitar because I had to express what was inside me. I had to be creating something, and music was something I could make.
But somewhere along the way, my ego sent me in a direction my creativity had never planned to go. I found myself lost and overwhelmed. I was constantly trying to learn what the great guitar players knew, so I could compare myself to them. But such comparisons are fraught with peril and disappointment, and that’s where I sat for a long time. Not happy with myself or my station in the music scene of whatever town I lived in.
It was a formula for depression, and while I’ve met many players with much healthier attitudes, I know I’m not the only one who allowed their expectations to overwhelm their enjoyment. I think my youth filled me with a desire to be heard and to prove that others were wrong about me. But expecting so much from the music was not productive, to say the least.
Thankfully, this weekend on stage with a band filled me with a gratitude more satisfying than any expectations I could have ever met. I’m once again profoundly grateful for the people I get to play this music with; grateful that I can play at all, and that someone wants to hear it.
Like many of us, I’ve seen life rip away people’s ability to do the things they love. It’s heartbreaking to witness. So I hope, when it is over, the 15-year-old that I was and the old man I’ll become will both be happy that I stuck to my word and lived a creative life. And since none of us knows when this ride will be over for us, start living the life you want today.
