10. It’s hard to look cool in a mask with wind gusts over 100 mph.
9. The county can’t afford five more years of overtime pay.
8. Our FEMA credit is maxed out worse than Johnny Depp’s career and credit cards.
7. Bars are not open. Need we say more?
6. Hurricane winds would change the 6-foot social distancing rule to the 6-mile rule.
5. Evacuation plans become more difficult when Floridians have been banned from all 49 states and every other country in the world.
4. We are already out of toilet paper. Sh*t gets real when we run out of beer, too.
3. Key West has already boarded up local musicians behind plexiglass. We really don’t feel like doing our windows, too.
2. Two states of emergency at the same time would give our mayors more power than Thanos equipped with the Infinity Gauntlet.
1. We’ve been stuck at home with our kids since March. If we lose Netflix, no one can be held accountable for their actions.