One of our beloved team members in the Keys Weekly & Overseas Media Group family was recently married. Maison Sellers (formerly Benitez) recently tied the knot with Damien Sellers, in Tampa on Jan. 20. The Sellerses are a longstanding Conch family, with many historical ties to Key West and the Florida Keys community. As for the rest of our Keys Weekly team who attended the wedding, the experience was eye-opening, as close to 100 Conchs made the trip north to celebrate Damien and Maison. So if you or a loved one hasn’t attended a Conch wedding, we are here to help. Here are our…
TOP 10 THINGS TO EXPECT AT A CONCH WEDDING
10. Everyone, from grandmothers to grade schoolers, knows 12 variations of the Electric Slide and can perform them effortlessly to random ’90s rap & country songs.
9. Understand that every Conch in attendance can tie over 100 fishing knots, but will likely need assistance with their necktie.
8. Somehow everyone is Cuban or “part-Cuban,” but no one speaks a lick of Spanish.
7. Everyone with the last name Barrios will attend the wedding. After all, they are cousins with every Conch in the Keys.
6. Atocha coins are an accepted form of payment at the bar.
5. You never need to learn a Conch’s name at the wedding. If confused, simply ask to see their 24K gold name chain — typically worn around a neck or ankle.
4. Do not ask a dude named Donny Barrios to tase you. He will.
3. Top-shelf liquors are not listed on the bar menu. If desired, use one of the following codewords while speaking with the bartender — “Cuzzie,” “Bubba” and/or “Blessed.” (Note: Bonus points if you bring your own Yeti cup to the wedding).
2. Everyone, from grandmothers to grade schoolers, knows every word to ’90s rap songs — including 2 Live Crew.
1. You’ll meet, chat with, enjoy and get to know the best people on earth. And above all, congrats to Damien and Maison!