Recent talk of “reinventing” Duval Street has set social media abuzz the past few weeks. The company that secured the contract to lead the revitalization, KCI Technologies, included in its proposal various renderings and ideas, which included modernized features along Key West’s most historic artery.
As the debate rages forward between those who believe Duval should be left untouched and others who are calling for more pedestrian-friendly measures, one thing seems certain: No one wants to lose the historic nostalgia of Key West’s most iconic street.
Always here to help, we’ve come up with some other changes that should be ignored. Offering our…
TOP 10 WORST WAYS TO ‘REINVENT’ DUVAL STREET
10. Make it just like the place you moved here from.
9. Legalize heroin in the off-season. Just on Duval Street. Just to see how it goes.
8. Hunger Games — Tourist Edition (although this one may have some potential).
7. Chicken-feeding stations at each intersection.
6. Moving sidewalks.
5. Enclose the entire thing. Add air conditioning and rename it “Duval Mall of the Seas.”
4. Enlist Disney as the corporate sponsor, with nightly parades and fireworks. (Florida residents get half off at participating T-shirt shops).
3. Get rid of most of the only locally owned, community newspaper boxes along Duval without any discussions, returned calls or local-preference considerations. (Whoopsie … too late).
2. Call it the “Great American Experiment.” Designate one side of the road for people who wear masks; the other side for those who don’t.
1. Add more Walgreens and CVS locations.