Barstool Astrology – Slap A Fish, It’s Pisces Season

Astrology Column

Slap a fish, it’s Pisces season. In the Northern Hemisphere, Pisces bridges the gap, or straddles the sapling, between winter and spring. It is a time for preparation and creation. Pisces people and Pisces season exist to teach us different and deeper modalities of empathy and forgiveness. Unlike fellow water signs Scorpio and Cancer, Pisces lacks a protective exoskeleton, making them more vulnerable to the pain and energies of others. This vulnerability is often medicated with a deep escapist streak that sometimes sends our fish friends swimming toward numbing indulgences.
This particular Pisces season runs concurrent with the onset of Lent. As a hedonistic earth sign I don’t believe in deprivation, but I do believe in the merits of moderation. Do more with less. Get weird, get tender, do something emotionally terrifying. See you on the other side of retrograde.

PISCES
Feb. 19 – March 20
Scientists have debunked the widely circulated belief that fish can’t feel pain. This revelation should come as no surprise to you, Pisces, who tend to feel not just your own hurt but the psychic suffering of the world at large. With Mercury in retrograde in your sign you may be experiencing something akin to an emotional apocalypse. Worry not, this pain is a pathway.
Notable Pisces: Wyatt Earp / March 19, 1848

ARIES
March 21 – April 19
Fellow firebreather Quentin Tarantino said of his brief incarceration, “I was kind of excited about going to jail the first time. I learnt some great dialogue.” I wonder what an enthusiastic approach to captivity might show you, my ram contingent. What will a metaphorical lockup unlock for you?
Notable Aries: Marlon Brando / April 3, 1924

TAURUS
April 20 – May 20
Ancient Egyptians venerated Apis, a bull god who was conceived when a bolt of lightning struck his mother. I urge you to prepare yourself for a similar intervention, Taurus. Make yourself the midwife of your own immaculate creation. Whatever it is, will be worthy of worship.
Notable Taurus: Orson Welles / May 6, 1915

GEMINI
May 21 – June 20
Current planetary placements suggest the theme of death will hang heavy for Geminis this season. Your days aren’t numbered, but you are being called to examine and exhume. Your goal is to learn lessons from the past, make peace with your own mortality and thoughtfully prepare the legacy you want to leave behind.
Notable Gemini: Walt Whitman/ May 31, 1819

CANCER
June 21 – July 22
The beauty of you, moonchild, is the expansive way you define and cultivate family. However, last year may have found you prioritizing the dreams and schemes of your chosen people over your own destiny. Enough of that shit. Heed these words: Choosing you will not be to the detriment of anyone else.
Notable Cancer: Harrison Ford / June 22, 1942

LEO
July 23 – Aug. 22
Fellow Leo and all around strange cat H.P. Lovecraft mused, “Memories and possibilities are even more hideous than realities.” What power and pain are you giving to your projections of the future and remembering of the past? Don’t allow these dark vistages to hijack the pleasure of your present.
Notable Leo: Martin Sheen / Aug. 3, 1940

VIRGO
Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
In the realms of relationships and dreams, you are equally adept at construction and demolition. It’s easy for you to imagine success, but challenging for you not to dismantle possibilities with pessimism and practicality. Don’t. Now more than ever, you need to protect your unrealized potential from your own self-doubt.
Notable Virgo: Nas / Sept. 14, 1973

LIBRA
Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
It’s a beautiful, brutal time to be a Libra. You are on the cusp of a transformative breakthrough. The downside? You have to retreat into the metaphorical cave of your psyche to get there. Think contemplation, the shedding of fears, exorcism of demons and soothing of ancient wounds. Surrender, and you’re bound to meet the higher version of yourself on the other side.
Notable Libra: Annie Leibovitz / Oct. 2, 1949

SCORPIO
Oct. 23 – Nov. 21
Do you remember the nursery rhyme with the refrain, “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I’ll go eat worms”? You may feel the fullness of those words in the weeks ahead, Scorpio.
Your inner narrator might insist that everyone is conspiring against you, no one can be trusted and you’re better off alone. Listen closely to me: They aren’t, they can and certainly not.
Notable Scorpio: Gordon Ramsay / Nov. 8, 1966

SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22 – Dec. 21
Fellow archer Mark Twain maintained, “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” Keep this weapon of revelry in your wheelhouse, archer. When Saturn squares the sun in the coming weeks, you’ll have to fight back feelings of defeat. I recommend you employ unfettered joy as your preferred combat strategy.
Notable Sagittarius: Tina Turner / Nov. 26, 1939

CAPRICORN
Dec. 22 – Jan. 19
Goats are social creatures who are equally affable to any warm-hearted mammal. When paired with racehorses, the two animals create a mutually calming, lasting friendship. In honor of this unlikely coupling, I encourage you to open your social circle, or corral as it were, and see what kind of symbiotic bonds you can forge with unlikely allies.
Notable Capricorn: Robert Duvall / Jan. 5, 1931

AQUARIUS
Jan. 20 – Feb. 18
You are prone to panic when things don’t go to plan, not because you can’t adapt but because your visionary nature doesn’t abide delays. Rather than perceiving setbacks as problems, recognize them as the universe making amendments to better your grand scheme.
Notable Aquarius: Bob Marley / Feb. 6, 1945

Reda Wigle
REDA WIGLE is a middle child and Taurus Fire Tiger named after a stigmatic saint. She divides her time and affections between New Orleans and Key West.