HUMOR: TOP 10 SURPRISING THINGS WE’VE LEARNED FROM THE JOHNNY DEPP & AMBER HEARD TRIAL

There’s a war in Ukraine. A disturbing and often violent division among Americans over politics. And a potential landmark Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. Yet, a troubling number of Americans know more about the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial than any of the above. This week, we bring you…

Top 10 Most Surprising Things We’ve Learned from the Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Trial 

10. Johnny Depp said he poured a lot of himself into the Jack Sparrow character. Perhaps this isn’t the best way to defend against claims that he is a bumbling alcoholic.  

9. In an ironic twist, Edward Scissorhands lost a finger trying to catch a bottle of vodka. 

8. Johnny Depp still has better hair than you.

7. This trial is very confusing. But not as confusing as Johnny Depp digging around in the desert with gray wolves in Dior perfume commercials. 

6. Amber Heard continues to wear all black at trial, basically begging people to accuse her of being a witch. 

5. Russia is committing genocide. And America is captivated by Amber Heard pooping on Johnny’s bed and texting pics of it to her friends.

4. Amber Heard’s lawyer objected to his own question. We can’t make this stuff up.

3. Amber Heard recently said, “This is horrible for me,” regarding having to take the stand in her own defense against Depp’s defamation suit. Dear Amber … no shit. 

2. The Supreme Court is considering reversing Roe vs. Wade. And America is captivated by Amber Heard pooping on Johnny’s bed and texting pics of it to her friends. 

1. Johnny Depp would’ve been paid $22.5 million for “Pirates of the Caribbean 6,”  meaning most of us just learned there was a “Pirates of the Caribbean 5.”

If you would like to have the Weekly delivered to your mailbox or inbox along with our daily news blast, please subscribe here.

Britt Myers traded in a life of monetary success, a chiseled body and intellectual enlightenment for a piece of the pie of the Keys Weekly newspapers. He is also the proud parent of an incredible six-year-old and a sucker for Michael Mann movies and convenience store hot dogs.