Now that we’re seriously into the Thanksgiving weekend, and the tryptophan and football overdoses are breaking our brains, it’s a sign that the “Official Holiday Season” is in full swing. It’s a time for Peace on Earth (from our lips to God’s ears), festive gatherings of family and friends, and … fruitcake. Yes, there’s always something to bring down the high hopes and wonderful feelings, isn’t there? I believe it was Johnny Carson who once said that there was only one fruitcake ever made, and it keeps circling the planet each year as it is re-gifted from one family to another. I believe it was me who said that God gave us rum so that we’d have something to soak the fruitcake in to make it more palatable. (Actually, I’m one of those people who likes a good fruitcake.)
Speaking of fruitcake, what would the holiday season be without celebrity whining? There are so many people who really work hard for the wages they earn, and they don’t complain nearly as much as some well-known and well-to-do individuals. Supermodel Tyra Banks is unhappy because she can’t get a lifetime supply of free Victoria’s Secret products. The wealthy model recently complained on a television show, “The president of Victoria’s Secret promised me a lifetime supply of Victoria’s Secret products, even after I decided to leave the company. But once I left, he only let me have it for a year. So I have a bone to pick!” Seriously, where is the justice?!
Oscar-winning actress Jessica Chastain recently went on social media to gripe about the lowly $15 reimbursement amount from JetBlue after their in-flight entertainment system went on the fritz: “My flight was $1,500 and the credit is 1/100 of the money I paid you,” Chastain wrote. The airline stood firm and said that $15 was all anyone was going to get from that flight. Travel tip: always bring a book or other backup entertainment.
When it comes to entitlement, celebrities often take the (fruit)cake. Consider Jennifer Lopez. When she performed at the 2010 World Video Music Awards, she reportedly insisted on a custom-fitted speed boat and a pair of diamond-encrusted headphones, and asked for a helicopter to remain on standby. Just a few years later, it was reported that she demanded that the people working on her house not speak to her or make eye contact with her. Damn!
If there’s any good news from this story, it’s that most of us won’t have to spend the holidays with a grumpy celebrity. Many of us, however, do have visitations from family members, descending upon us and invading our homes like packs of ravenous weasels. OOOPS! Sorry about that. I meant to say “angels from Heaven who bring such light and joy that we’re so disappointed that they can only stay four weeks as our houseguests.” (Actually, I meant to say hordes of hungry hyenas – I can write this only because I have no family coming in this holiday season.)
I’m just kidding. I know that visiting family members bring love and laughter and those pesky viruses from the northern territories. Nothing makes hosting family members for the holidays more memorable than doing so with a fever of 103 degrees while trying to cough up a lung. Please pass the NyQuil.
If you do have visiting family members this holiday season, take them out to our local restaurants – and have them pay the check since they’re staying with you for free. Send them to our local attractions, and on fishing and dive trips. Have them shop at our local merchants. They may just bring back a gift for you that you’ll really like, and they’ll be out of your hair for many blessed hours each day.
Seriously, it’s really good to reconnect with family and friends, especially this time of year. And let’s face it – things could be worse. You could be all alone for the holidays, sitting at home with a bottle of rum (or NyQuil), watching reruns of “America’s Next Top Model” and getting all teed off because Tyra Banks only got a free year of Victoria’s Secret products.
– Catch John live Thursdays at Sparky’s Landing, this Friday with Jade Storm at Lorelei, and Sunday afternoons at Skipjack Tiki. Find his music anywhere you download or stream your music. www.johnbartus.com • johnbartus.hearnow.com
