For those of you who don’t know me past broadcasting, publishing or politics, my first love and passion has always been music. I still perform three to five nights each week at local clubs and restaurants, and I still write and record my own music. I love to go listen to good live music, and I’ll even put up with massive crowds and cramped seating – much less the long drive – for a good concert.
Yes, live music is a wonderful thing. There is another kind of entertainment, however, that combines (semi-) live music with sometimes-unintentional comedy and the without-a-net danger of the circus. Yes, my friends, I’m talking about … karaoke.
Karaoke is Japanese for “empty orchestra.” It can be funny, scary, or on those rare occasions when a talented singer takes the microphone, real good. It is very rarely, however, real good. Karaoke has risen to new heights these days, and that has not gone unnoticed by even the major TV networks. Many of you may now be in doubt of the words on this page – no way would network TV put on a karaoke show. For those doubters I have but two words: American Idol. (Also: The Voice.)
Yes, that phenomenon called American Idol, or the numerous spinoffs now happening, is really nothing more than glorified karaoke. Think about it — most of the contestants aren’t full-time or even part-time musicians, and I’d bet you tons o’ cash that a lot of them were at one time karaoke stars in their hometowns. It’s sort of like that old movie “Duets,” where Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow played karaoke singers that traveled to different karaoke competitions. Yes, there are actual karaoke competitions.
I don’t know about you, but I just can’t fathom how someone can turn music into a competition. Music is very subjective, and the listener’s personal taste weighs heavy on his or her judgment as to what music is “better.” Take opera, for example. Classically trained vocalists and musicians devote their lives to a genre that leaves me a bit cold. I can’t say I’m a huge hip-hop fan, either. These are quite different ends of the cultural spectrum, neither of which speaks to my soul. Does that mean that other genres of music are better? No — it’s simply a matter of personal taste.
If there were, however, a “genre” of entertainment that perhaps could be judged on any sort of “merit,” it might just be karaoke. Let’s face it: We’ve all heard bad karaoke singers, whether it be the group of guys who are imitating the “Top Gun” pilots singing “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling,” or the actual woman I heard belting out Cher’s hit song “Half Breed” at the top of her lungs, with spirit and energy and feeling and with absolutely no sense of melody, pitch, or key whatsoever.
Believe it or not, there are “karaoke cultists” who actually believe that bars — not bad singers — give karaoke a bad name. This is an actual quote from Karaoke Scene magazine’s website:
“Small bars where people go to get drunk, move a day closer to death with their cancer sticks and make trouble for singers. I’m not talking about all bars. There are good ones that have enough space and class and serve food and there are holes in the wall which give karaoke a bad name. It may mean good business. But smoke and drink are still poisons that kill us all in slow motion.”
Luckily for all aspiring singers, there are a few different local karaoke hosts that set up their operations, complete with thousands of songs and the requisite video monitors, at various local watering holes throughout the Keys. They all have practically any song nearly anyone might consider singing. Grab the microphone (and beverage of choice) and belt out the hits. Just make sure Simon Cowell isn’t lurking too close nearby.
