My top-secret source from the UK (a.k.a. Wayne “Mac” McCormick) somehow finds the time to round up the best and funniest of what the world has to offer. I’ve used some of his material in previous columns; but he has sent me some real funny stuff lately. It’s as if he struck – to quote a word made popular in some gold-prospecting show on one of those allegedly educational channels – the gloryhole of funny nuggets.

Normally, there’s not much at all humorous about sewage and septic tank pumpouts. Look at it this way – one would have to possess a serious sense of humor to go to work at that job every day (it’s a gas).

One local pumpout service calls their truck tanks “Honey Pots.” Leave it to Mac to find out how other pumpout companies around the world try and keep a fresh outlook on an otherwise odiferous business, in this special episode of… (cue large echo voice)


• On the back of a pumpout truck: “We Haul Milk on the Weekends!” I wonder if it’s chocolate milk…

• On the back of a truck obviously not working on weekends, featuring a large image of Yosemite Sam: “BACK OFF! We Ain’t Haulin’ Milk.” You wouldn’t want to rear-end this guy. Singing some insurance company’s jingle would not get you cleanly out of that mess. Moving on…

• On the back of another truck: “Thanks for flushing our business down the drain!”

• Yet another: “You Dump It… We Pump It!”

• And another: “Got Poop?”

• “A Flush Beats a Full House.”

• “Your Number 2 is Our Number 1!”

• A company called Money In The Tank features the slogan, “You Think Your Job Sucks.”

These are all great slogans. There are some, however, that rise above the other… stuff that’s out there. Without further ado, here are our…


• “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels.”

– “Another Load of Politicians’ Promises.”

• “Satisfaction Guaranteed or 110% of Your Product Back!”

• And our winner: Grieve Septic and Liquid Waste, a company that has a fleet of trucks emblazoned proudly with “The Turd Burglar. We’re No. 1 in the No. 2 Business.”

Really, how could you pass this company by if you needed a pumpout? I can imagine the radio and TV commercial scripts: “Septic backed up? Call the Turd Burglar!” I can also imagine the old-style burglar outfits (complete with those mini-masks) the workers could wear. I could be going too far…

In a related story, Mac also sent a shocking photograph that I will describe after a share with you the caption: “DISASTER AT AIR SHOW. [Brace yourself as I assist you in visualizing the image attached to his email.] A pilot at low level has lost control of his aircraft. It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings. One can only imagine the horror of those trapped inside those buildings.”

The graphic photo showed in amazingly high resolution a large blue hot air balloon and its gondola impacting a row of four porta-potties, the precise moment of the impact knocking them over captured for posterity. I know what you’re thinking…

It must have scared the crap out of those poor people in the porta-potties! Everyone clean up and have a great week!

John Bartus is a singer/songwriter, City Council member and former Mayor of the City of Marathon, and past President of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce and the Rotary Club of Marathon. For more about his music, visit

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  1. Good Old John.

    You have brought a big grin to my face by sharing some of the “words of wisdom” I have sent you.

    As a regular reader of your column I greatly enjoy your sometimes serious, always insightful articles that so often are spiced with just a touch of satire.

    Keep up the good work old friend.

    Mac, in the UK.

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