Earlier this week it was reported that Jeff Bezos and Amazon are “primed” (get it?) to buy MGM Studios for a measly $8.45 billion, which comes with the rights to the iconic James Bond movie franchise. If you’re like most living humans with a pulse, you have a favorite Bond actor — Sean Connery, David Niven, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and most recently Daniel Craig, who will star in his last installment this October. 

Who will be the next James Bond? Rumors have circulated that English actor Tom Hardy is slated to be the seventh 007. But with Bezos now calling the shots, he may have other plans. Always here to help with insider info and b.s. speculation, we offer…

Top 10 Worst Choices for the next James Bond:

10. Jeff Bezos: Sure, the world’s richest man could cast himself in the next Bond film. But something about a bald, aging American dude who is recently divorced just doesn’t jive with the “shaken, not stirred” mystique. 

9. Dr. Anthony Fauci: It’s one thing to accuse the Chinese of leaking a virus from a lab. It’s another thing to infiltrate a Wuhan lab, steal their secrets, sleep with the most beautiful woman in the city and then ride out like a boss back to London. 

8. Jake and/or Logan Paul: No one likes those YouTube dudes. 

7. Charlie Sheen: We’ll let you determine why this isn’t a good fit, starting with finding the next “Bond Girl.” 

6. Gilbert Gottfried: Say, “Bond, James Bond,” five times in your best Gottfried voice.  


5. Blake Shelton: “Awww, shucks. I just saved the world.” 

4. The Geico gecko: Perfect Bond accent, but a bit too short, even by Hollywood standards. 

3. Monroe County Sheriff Rick Ramsay: Could be the perfect James Bond, but will never accept terms requiring him to cut his trademark flat-top hairstyle for the role. 

2. Chrissy Teigen: James Bond has been battling bullies since 1963.   

1. Prince Harry: He gets Bond points for going rogue against the crown. (But Bond would never air his dirty laundry to Oprah.)

Note: Our top 10 best picks for the next James Bond: 

1-10: Idris Elba (Do it, Bezos.)

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