We all know that one person who takes Christmas super, super SERIOUSLY. Maybe they have more holiday lights in their personal possession than the average Home Depot, or they own a special, professional-grade Santa beard?
The Keys Weekly needs your help to single these folks out. We are looking for nominations in each category. We need more than a name, though; we need to know why your neighbor reminds you of, say, Buddy the Elf. Is he tall? Goofy? Have an unrequited crush?
The results will be published in our Christmas issue on Dec. 24. Submissions are due by Monday, Dec. 18. Please email santa@keysweekly.com. Please include the person’s full name, why you are nominating him or her, and where this person lives in the Keys. By the way, all nominations are gender-neutral; i.e., the fanatic holiday decorator doesn’t have to be a woman to qualify for the Martha Stewart award.
Grinch Gruff but lovable
He or she may not take a liking to Christmas, the noises of the holiday season and all the cheer, but they do like to take part in the festivities, whether it be downing cookies and milk, snatching presents away from loved ones and messing up all the Christmas mail. While they may be mean-tempered, their heart has the ability to grow during a moment of crisis. And they have that superhuman strength to stop an entire sleigh loaded with presents from going over the cliff.
Buddy the Elf Pure love and innocence
Our Keys version of Buddy the Elf is super friendly and slightly goofy. He or she is willing to put maple syrup on anything and defend a small friend in an epic snowball fight (or whatever the Keys equivalent of that is). Most importantly, he or she has an unshakeable faith in Santa and the Christmas spirit.
Clark Griswold Mr. Do It All
The patriarch of the family who plans to have a great Christmas with family. He is often known to go into huge tempers when his family gets on his nerves, but he’s also ambitious. He’s also the one to get the largest Christmas tree and cover the exterior with 25,000 twinkling lights that could lead to a neighborhood power outage.
Kevin McCAllister Adventurous and crafty
Mistakenly separated from his family twice, he was forced to defend himself from bumbling burglars. The ideal Kevin McCallister candidate can hold their own alone and create a mighty devilish plan to get at his foes or family. With a love for cheese pizza, they also know how to use coupons while grocery shopping and live large for a moment, even if their dad’s credit card account can’t accommodate it.
Holly McClane The Fixer
The holidays often come with elaborate, intricate plans that require precise timing or the whole dang thing falls apart. Which they will. In that case, you need Holly McClane (“Die Hard,” and, yes, it is a Christmas movie) in your corner. She’s cool under pressure, has good communication skills and isn’t above getting her hands dirty if the occasion calls for it.
Martha Stewart Super Decorator
Okay, this isn’t really a movie character, but lord knows Martha Stewart has done enough cameos. The person nominated for this award is an over-the-top Christmas decorator — we’re talking six storage bins or more of holiday baubles, blow ups, ornaments and light shows. He or she owns Christmas plates, Christmas hand towels and would rather die than use a bedsheet as a tree skirt. Go!
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer Party Guide
If Rudolf were a person, living in the Keys, he or she would be the ultimate party guide of the holiday season. He or she has mapped out a schedule of holiday boat parades, parties with free champagne, and is the type of person who can waltz into a cookie-making party, make themselves at home and entertain the bakers. Extra points if they have solid connections with local law enforcement in case things get a little rowdy and can lead the party safely home with his or her “nose so bright.”
