a large group of people standing around each other

The entire world is changing, sometimes admittedly for the better. Other times, wokeness and politically correct objectives, perhaps with decent intentions, simply defy common sense and practicality. To prove our point, look no further than Fantasy Fest, which the city of Key West has now deemed so inappropriate and vile (after 40 years), they are enforcing changes to the event that exclude nudity and inappropriate body painting (as opposed to appropriate body painting). The city is also “suggesting” a family zone for the thousands of wholesome visitors who booked their stay in Key West, unaware of one of the nation’s largest festivals. Regardless, and always here to help, we are assisting with the changes by offering our…

Top 10 Ideas to “Reimagine” Fantasy Fest

10. House Rules: No Fussin’, No Cussin’, No Backtalkin’.

9. Shorts must be no more than 3 inches from the bottom of the kneecap.

8. No inappropriate body painting!!! But it’s OK to hold a “you’re all going to hell” sign and scream in people’s faces in the name of our Lord.

7. Family Zone for families. Yes! And then perhaps we could consider some other ideas for families for the other 51 weeks of the year.

6. Ear muffs for anyone under the age of 18 … or from states that believe in election fraud.

5. Schedule road work on Duval Street for the entire month of October … sort of like the current eight months of roadwork on Whitehead.

4. Tutus can only be worn over khakis and/or cargo shorts.

3. Kelly’s Kinky “s’mores and hot chocolate” party. 

2. Put any local HOA in charge of the event.

1. Everyone must sign a pledge sheet promising not to engage in drugs, alcohol or sex after midnight. We will call this measure the “Randall Pink Floyd Act.”