Happy Mother’s Day to all of our moms across the Florida Keys. To celebrate, our Top 10 this week is all about you.
Above all, this is the place where you, our moms, get to say all the things you wish you had (and probably should have) been telling us all along. But for now, cut this one out and passively aggressively share it with your cynical teenager, or that 20-something who just won’t move out … or the adult offspring who still thinks God created you to come over and organize his sock drawer. Here are our…
Top 10 Things Your Mother Secretly Wishes She Could Tell You on Mother’s Day:
10. At age 35, it’s time to get your own cell phone plan and stop using mom’s house as a storage unit.
9. Your cat did not ‘find another home’ when you were 8. Your grandmother ran him over and I seriously doubt Mr. Whiskers went to heaven.
8. Stop asking me to tell the story of how your father and I met. We were drunk and I don’t remember anything about the night you were conceived.
7. Stop calling yourself an Instagram model in front of my friends. You’re 42. Get a job.
6. “Husky” was just a nice way of saying you were overweight when you were 10. I’m sorry the nickname stuck.
5. Stop raiding my medical marijuana stash in the back of the pantry. You’re 42. Get your own card. (See #8).
4. When I told you women will love you for you, and not for how much money you make or how successful you are, I lied.
3. I hate your wife.
2. Carl was not just mommy’s yoga’s instructor.
1. You’re adopted.
