All you had to do was stay home — lockdown, quarantine, masks, sanitizer and loads of toilet paper. Piece of cake, right? Perhaps not.
Our plans to repaint the living room, organize closets, learn another language and lose weight were somehow replaced by mindless hours of Netflix, unnecessary naps and day-drinking at inappropriate hours.
And now here we are, nearly a year into this mess. How are you managing?
Take our Pandemic Pop Quiz and check your score to see whether you’re sinking, surviving or thriving. (No cheating. Well, then again, it’s a magazine quiz, so….)
1. What’s your weekly wine intake?
• 0-2 bottles
• 3-5 bottles
• Please, I switched to boxes months ago…
2. What’s the largest grocery bill you’ve had?
• Fausto’s Food Palace created a special checkout lane just for me.
3. How many people are in your “bubble?”
• My immediate family only
• Family, close friends and a few neighbors
• The Sunday afternoon crowd at Dante’s pool bar in Key West
4. How many arguments have you and your spouse/partner had?
• Quarantine brought us closer than ever
• Once in a while, but only when one of us forgot to buy extra toilet paper in case the world ends.
• We’ve embraced the idea of separate bedrooms. It’s best for my mental health — and lessens the likelihood that he/she will be slowly murdered.
5. What aspirational goal did you accomplish
• Finally learned a second language and now my entire family
• Started journaling daily and have really begun to find myself.
• Downloaded TikTok and spent 12 hours a day for two straight
weeks perfecting my Vanilla Ice routine until I hit 500 followers.
I now consider myself an influencer.
6. How many days did you go without shaving/grooming?
• Gross! I keep up with my regular grooming habits.
• One week.
7. How much Netflix did you watch?
• Honestly, I’ve really caught up on all my reading.
• I watched “The Queen’s Gambit” in one day and I use the names of Schitt’s Creek characters as my weekly safe word in bed.
• Netflix? That’s just my morning routine. I’ve downloaded Hulu, Disney Plus, HBO Max, Apple TV and some streaming service out of Turkmenistan.
8. What was your worst Zoom fail?
• So far I’ve escaped having to sit through any Zoom calls.
• I told my coworkers I was driving so I wouldn’t have to turn on
my camera. In reality, I wanted to fit in a yoga session, and my
camera turned on in the middle of a failed handstand attempt.
• I went full Jeffrey Toobin during a board meeting.
9. How much weight have you gained in the past year?
• I’ve actually lost a few pounds.
• Despite the influx of takeout, I’ve gained fewer than 7 pounds.
• Finally, a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy I agree with.
10. How’d you and your family manage online schooling?
• There were a few bumps in the road, but we got through it.
• I’ll never again vote against a referendum to raise teachers’ salaries.
• I’ve had horrible thoughts about my kids that no mother should ever admit to.
are your answers mostly A?
This pandemic can’t hold you down. You took control of this bad situation, harnessed all your personal energy and poured it into bettering yourself and making the most of the unexpected downtime. Meanwhile, most of your inner circle has socially distanced themselves from you because they can’t stand to see your glowing face.
are your answers mostly B?
It’s not always easy, but you’re making it work. Just be careful, as this type of balance cannot last forever. You’ll soon be making choices that place you in either the “THRIVING” or “SINKING” categories.
are your answers mostly C?
The pandemic won’t go down as a phenomenal time for anyone, but you really can’t get a hold of yourself. We recommend you don’t leave the house and severely limit interaction with other humans until this is all over. Seriously, don’t talk to anyone. (And for God’s sake, shave your legs.)