Hi friends! Reef the fox here with your weekly “Reef’s Report.” I have the interview to top all interviews this week.
I have another local celebrity who just made his Hollywood debut in the remake of “Road House.” Yes, that’s right, Fred the Tree.
You may be wondering how I was able to get such an exclusive interview? Let’s just say my paw has a wide reach and I know all the right people.
Reef: Hi Fred! I feel like we should have done this a long time ago, seeing as how we are both unique celebrities here in Monroe County. But as the saying goes; better late than never. And I promise I won’t pee on you. It is my favorite thing to do when claiming things I find fabulous, but in this case, I will be a respectable journalist and keep my bladder contained.
So, my first question(s) are about your recent appearance in the “Road House” remake. Did they ask your permission to be in the movie? Was a contract signed? And why the heck wasn’t your name in the credits?!
Fred: Ok, I am really sad I wasn’t in the credits either. Like, what were they thinking? They did ask my permission to be filmed and even went as far as asking the elves who decorate me every year if they would hold off my holiday attire for an extra couple of weeks. I was naked in my movie debut!
Reef: Woah, all naked on the big screen. I didn’t realize Amazon Prime was that sort of streaming service? Next up, how old are you? Because you look fabulous for your age.
Fred: 40ish, and thank you. I’ll start lying about my age soon.
Reef: Do you ever get scared during hurricanes?
Fred: I love a good blow — but prefer a light one to an Irma any day. My roots run deep in the bridge, so I’m just up here living my life to the fullest. I have heard that seeing me after Hurricane Irma gave a ton of hope to everyone and that was much appreciated.
Reef: What is the strangest thing you’ve seen watching traffic go by on the bridge?
Fred: I love the 7-Mile Bridge runners every year in April. Sometimes people moon me out their windows when they drive by, but I especially love all the honks. Can we just talk about those slow drivers with their GoPros out the sunroofs though? Let’s keep the traffic moving, people!
Reef: Yeah, traffic is wild and hanging a $400 camera out the sunroof doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to do. Has anyone, besides your team of dedicated elves, tried to climb onto the bridge and get a selfie with you?
Fred: I’m pretty sure it might be frowned upon and super dangerous so I 10-out-of-10 do not recommend it.
Reef: What is the coolest bird you’ve ever had to stop and take a break on your branches?
Fred: I have a resident osprey who visits me all the time. One year, she even nested in me. It was the best.
Reef: I feel like we should campaign for you to be Best Local Celebrity this year for the Best of Marathon awards. What do you think?
Fred: #winning!
Reef: Finally, how can I become a Fred Elf and help dress you up for the holidays?
Fred: Ask my friend Kristen, she knows the big guy up north and might be able to help you get on the magic sleigh ride!
Well friends, that’s all for this week. Special thank you to Fred’s team of elves for coordinating this one-of-a-kind interview!
Until next time, Reef, over and out!
