Outside the snow is blowing, drifting against the base of the house and blanketing everything in crisp white. There’s a stillness in the air. Thankfully, you’re safe inside and tucked under a blanket.
OK, so that’s just a fantasy. There is a stillness in the air, but it’s only due to the high humidity. In reality, the temperature outside your living room is hovering around 91, with a heat index of 111. But perception is everything, and right now, you’re safely ensconced in the coldest environment you can find.
For most people living in the U.S., fall and winter signal hibernation. Days get shorter, foods get heavier and bodies move a lot less. It’s part of a natural rhythm to slow down in colder times. The phenomenon, known as torpor, is famously demonstrated by animals like bears who naturally slow their metabolisms and heart rates to accommodate times when food is less prevalent. Some animals, like mice and hummingbirds, enter torpor for just a few hours. Other, larger species opt for months-long winter naps. The disappointing news is that humans are not technically equipped to hibernate. Yes, we can eat a big bowl of pasta and pass out on the couch without feeling hungry for quite some time. But we’ve got nothing on bears, the ultimate carb-loaders.
The fact that we’re not naturally equipped for hibernation doesn’t stop us from trying. Anyone who grew up in a cold climate knows the joy of sipping hot coffee in front of a fireplace, with no plans to leave the house. In the Keys, we’re inclined to hide from heat, not cold, with the toughest climate to endure showing up July-September. During those months, the temperatures look manageable, not much higher than other places in the U.S. But with heat indexes that rarely dip below triple digits, daily maximum UV warnings, and off-the-charts humidity, summer in the Keys can be insufferable.
Unlike our animal counterparts, we’re not able to simply drop out of the world for weeks or months at a time. Life’s obligations will come knocking and pinging our phones. What we can do is find times during which we can conserve our energy, both mental and physical. So, go ahead, hibernate on that hot Saturday in July. Cool-seeking behaviors come naturally to most people living in the Keys, but for those needing a few suggestions to get started:
Blackout curtains and air conditioning are the greatest pairing since peanut butter and jelly. During our tropical, damn-near-equatorial summers, the sun shines relentlessly. It singes our shoulders and our dogs’ toes. But for about $10 per window, you can beat the blaze temporarily. Pull the shades, and the world outside disappears for a while. For all you know, it could be snowing out there – just don’t peek and ruin the illusion. For the ultimate package deal, temporarily suspend your well-intentioned inclination to conserve electricity and turn the AC a few degrees cooler. Not to advocate carbon footprint recklessness, but as far as guilty pleasures go, a chilled, dark room on a hot day is hard to beat.
Since humans can’t technically fully hibernate, you’ll need some entertainment and nourishment. Thankfully, we live in an era of streaming technology and general convenience. If you’re not already equipped with the litany of accessible watching options out there, take advantage of a trial. Most streaming services offer trial periods of a week or so. Find a movie, sign up and set a reminder in your calendar to cancel by the deadline. Since television viewing has shifted in the last decade, primarily from cable to streaming, production companies have adapted their calendars. The good news for tropical dwellers is that new shows are premiering all the time, year-round, and no longer relegated to fall release dates. Cue up a scary movie, light a fall-scented candle, and pretend it’s autumn outside.
Last but not least: food. We need to eat. Again, bears we are not. For peckish would-be hibernators, a fully stocked pantry of gummy worms and chips will serve well. For those craving a bit more, though, there is a plethora of delivery options available. Prices can vary greatly on fees, but since you saved a little money on that streaming trial, and you undoubtedly bought your autumnal candle on sale at TJ Maxx, this may be the area in which to splurge. In the last few years, offerings in the Keys have expanded, with most restaurants offering their own delivery service, or operating under one of the larger canopy companies. Of course, pizza remains a classic cave choice.
While humans can’t truly hibernate, we can certainly mimic our brilliant mammalian friends. A few simple spatial adjustments, and sustenance stores, can transform our perceptive space into a reprieve. Pull the curtains, drop the temperature, start the movie and grab a snack. It’s a summer snow day.
