Nineteen days after Hurricane Irma hit, we had our first real outing – down to Key West to watch the Miami Hurricanes play, how appropriate. It was a big departure from our days of no TV, no internet and subsisting by the grace of a generator.
“What do you need,” my friends asked as we joined them at Waterfront Brewery. “Seriously, what do you need?”
I needed the kids to be back in school and Sheriff Rick Ramsay to lift my curfew (#cashmeoutsiderickramsay #howaboutthat), but I replied, “We are good. I promise you, we are so good, and if I get another toothbrush, I am going to poke somebody’s eyes out with it.”
We had toothbrushes. Lots and lots of toothbrushes. From the American Red Cross, the fire departments, the Baptists, the Samaritans, my friends’ care packages, each one included a toothbrush in the care kit. And, not just one toothbrush, a 10-pack per household member. Hundreds of them we had acquired. I ranted to them, who doesn’t evacuate without a toothbrush? And, if you did evacuate without a toothbrush, wouldn’t you just run to the store on the mainland and grab one, like the first day you realized you didn’t have a toothbrush?
Then it happened. Monday morning, an unmarked package showed up. I opened the package to find 40 Spinbrushes. A display case of them, the kind they put up in Walgreens complete with “makes a great stocking stuffer” written on it and directions on how to assemble the display case.
Oh, my gosh. My friends hate me. I laughed hysterically and put a rant on Facebook that someone I know clearly doesn’t like their eyeballs (Nicole Rapanos and Becki Balcer). And, people loved it.
Then it started. Two days later an Amazon Prime package showed up. I still didn’t have internet, so I know I didn’t drunk order it. I opened it up to find 144 tubes of toothpaste in there. 144 tubes of minty fresh breath to go with my 740 toothbrushes (Elgersmas!). I died, and posted it on Facebook, complete with a little toothpaste stain on my shirt from all my tooth brushing …
Then the mouthwash came, and dental floss, and dental picks. Every day, something new would show up (all from entirely different amazing people who loved the first rant). A tooth fairy costume arrived; a superhero tooth T-shirt was next, followed by a book entitled “Teeth are NOT for Biting.” Fake teeth showed up on my doorstep, a bar of soap shaped like a tooth, professional grade dental stainless steel cleaning products arrived. The kids were excited every day to see what arrived. And, it was hilarious.
So, when you see me on the side of the road digging through my trunk and handing things to small children, it’s not candy (or drugs), my friends, it’s dental hygiene products. And, the tooth fairy strikes again…